OH MY FAWKING GOD!
by Diana2412Assassin
Summary: A young 12 year old girl ends up having Altair, Malik, Kadar, Ezio, Desmond, Leonardo,and Shaun in her house... Altair does not seem so happy about it... I'm kind of a beginner when it comes to writing stories... but it's going well for me. Warning: there will be out of character moments.
1. OH MY FAWKING GAWD!

My mind was going crazy! A-Am i seeing what i'm actually seeing? A-A-Altair? Ok, ok... calm down... ummm... It's all just a dream... Just a silly dream... just like the time I had a dream that I had a fart contest with Altair! Also that time where Malik and I-

"Answer my question, woman! Where. AM. I?" Altair snarled at me.  
Is it too late to run away? Well DUH! His blade was near my neck, idiot! How on earth did I get into this mess...?

Flashback:

_ "ARRRRGGGHHH!" I screamed.  
_

_ "Stupid computer!" I yelled out as I hit the computer with my fist. I never imagined that playing Assassin's Creed on the computer would suck... bricks. heheh, you read that wrong. So, anyways, I was mad. Mad as hell. I've heard many many MANY times that the game would be suckish on the computer, but I did NOT pay attention to them. I really wish I bought that Ps3 right now... so then, the computer stopped playing.  
__ "WHY, God, WWHHHHYYYY?" I screamed again, that's when something weird happened... the screen just started glowing blue, then orange, then some random lights blasted through the screen and right into my face. I closed my eyes tightly, hoping to be in the game just like in the fanfictions I see online, where you get to meet the awesome and hot Ezio, then randomly live happily ever after! Wait... that's not how it goes from the stories I read from fanfiction... but that just came up to my mind. Awesome story, right? Future person falls in love with a fake ancestor? Truely, that'll never happen... i'm 12... SO, anyways, the screen flashed at me. Then it blacked out. _

_"Oopsies..." I mumbled under my breath. I sighed. I was JUST about to get up and get a snack, maybe some popcorn, or something, and just watch a movie, but then I felt a blade WAAAYYY too close to my neck. I heard a snarl, from a man who had this familiar voice, that i heard before... from the cutscenes that I saw in youtube... all he said to me was, "Where am I, templar?"_

End Flashback:

"I must've upset the computer!" I mumbled, mostly to myself. That just made Altair even more mad at me.  
"What is this 'computer' you speak of? Is that some sort of device you templars have?" he hissed at me, the blade was now even closer to my neck.  
"Let me go... and I'll tell you... please? Pretty please on cherry on top?"  
He looked at me, completely confused. Cherry on top- damn it, am I stupid? He hesitatingly released me, right when I made a run for it into my room. I shut the door behind me, when, right near my head, the blade stick out from the door. Altair's mad alright...

Then someone grabbed the collar of my shirt, with just one hand... OH MY GOSH. Oh. my. gosh... M-M-Malik! SHIRTLESS!

"Where am I? You must know..." He began, not as angry as Altair, but somehow, a little more calmer.  
"TELL ME!" ok, not calm.  
"M-my house..." I began. "I was just minding my own business, playing Assassin's Creed-"  
"How do you know about the assassins? Are you a templar-"  
Malik and I were both startled when we heard the toliet flushed from my bathroom. Yes, I have a room that has a bathroom. Problem? (inset trollface here)  
"WHAT IS THIS ABOMINATO? LET GO OF MY CAPE- AAAAAAAAHHH!" Yup, it's Ezio.  
"OH my god, it's Ezio!" I gasped out loud. Malik was really hesitant to release me. "I got to help Ezio." I tried to reassure Malik that I was no harm as we heard Ezio scream out loud. He's cute when he screams!

"Are you armed?" Malik asked, gently. I bursted out laughing when he said that.  
"ARMED? BWAHAHAHA! Oh wow, it's funny when you say 'armed' when you only have one-" he pushed me away, in a very angry manner. Kids, don't meantion Malik's missing arm.  
"You're clearly too stupid to even know what armed means... you're harmless as well as useless! You have no information I need, after all!" he hissed at me. I crawled over to the bathroom to help Ezio, but he came out with his hair, hands, and cape wet. I laughed once again.

"Puttana! How DARE you laugh when I was being attacked by that THING?" He nearly yelled.  
"Calm down, Ezio-"  
"How do you know my name, bambina?"  
"I'll explain-" I heard a loud scream coming from the kitchen. Ezio ran over to the door and opened it. Desmond. Being attacked. By his ancestor. How many fawking assassins are in my house? Yeah, I spelled that word wrong. I don't like bad words, alright? I don't like saying it, or writing it.

"LET GO! I know you, Altair! Don't kill me, please! I don't know where I am, either!" Desmond struggled.  
"Altair, let him go, he's your descendant!" I yelled at Altair to let him go, but I really should've just did nothing about it.  
"YOU!" he snarled at me, and ran towards me, his hidden blade no longer hidden, and aimed at me.  
"NOVICE!" Malik yelled as he pulled me away from Altair's aim. They stared at each other, eye to eye. YAY, I'm not dead! Best of all, I was hugging Malik's shirtless body! Best day ever!  
"Malik? What are you doing here? Why don't you just let me kill this templar?" he also yelled.  
"This thing-" Malik began until I glared at him and yelled out,  
"HEY! I'm not a thing!"  
"I was getting to that... Altair, this thing is just a child, a stupid one, actually..."  
"A weird little one, you can say... look at her clothes!" Ezio pointed at my clothing.  
I was wearing a black hoodie, black jeans, and black boots. what's wrong with that? oh, right... the jeans... the hoodie... yeah.  
"This isn't your year, by the way, you guys..." I growled.  
"Then what year is this?" They all said at the same time.  
"2012... April 28, 2012..."  
Altair glared at me, murderously, but thank God, he put away hid hidden blade, but he still was angry.  
"I'll tell you all about how you got here... I'm confused also-"  
"JUST LOOK AT THESE DRAWINGS!" .God. Leonardo Da Vinci... in my house...  
I was at least free to go to find that Leonardo was in the living room, looking through the book of drawings that was mine.  
"My drawings..." I muttered.  
"you're the artist? So young! How were you able to draw like this?" Leonardo, says in shock.  
"Not sure, it just happens..."  
"Look at the details, Ezio!" was Ezio behind me- oh, yeah, he was. Leonardo didn't seem to mind that he just randomly poofed into someone else's house.

Leonardo's flash back:

_ "What is this place? Ezio?" Leonardo looked around, so confused, so scared, so- IS THAT ART? (the art book was open_ already)

End Flashback.

"Do you not notice that I'm wet?" Ezio sighed.  
"Ezio, how did you get so wet?" Leonardo asked, not looking away from the book.  
"Well-"  
"BLOODY HELL!" A yell came from my parents room... oh my god, my parents!  
Shaun... was pantless... he was wearing boxers, at least, but he was pantless. Thats when i bursted out laughing when i noticed that the boxers had hearts all over it.  
"Where am I?" Shaun yelled at me. My kitten, Ezio, came from the room, dragging Shaun's pants away.  
"Hi Ezio!" I smiled with glee.  
"I'm here." Ezio, says, glaring at me.  
"Not you, I was talking to Ezio jr."  
Shaun narrowed his eyes, and said, "Tell me, right now, where am I?"

"IN hell! MUHAHAHA-" I started, but Ezio cut me off, ruining the moment, by saying,  
"You said this was your house in 2012!"  
"Fawk you, Ezio. Just fawk you."  
"You're too young for me..."  
I narrowed my eyes. "Everyone into the living room... The place where I'm at... follow my voice... NOW." I sound like my angry mother... HOLY SHITZU, MY MOTHER! She'll kill me if she finds... 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6- 6 ASSASSINS IN MY HOUSE!

So, anyways, they all ran into the living room, staring at me. Some of them, curiously, some angrily, and only Leonardo smiled at me.

"I made the computer angry, so the computer brought you all in my home. I don't know how, but it did. I was trying to play my video game, Assassin's Creed. I was still in the begining, trying to figure out on how to get Altair pass the people walking around with jars over their heads without getting them to drop their jars. He kept making them drop, so I got mad and made Altair punch all of them. My computer froze, so I hit it, and then the screen turned from blue to orange, and randomly, lights flashed at me, comming from the screen, that's when i gave up, going to get a snack, but Altair was next to me, about to kill me." I explained. "Any questions?"  
"Yes..." Malik says, hesitatingly. "What's a computer?"  
"Oh, um... a computer is a awesome device that can do whatever you want it to do online, in the internet. the internet is like a network that lets you communicate with others"  
"What's a videogame?"  
"It's a game... on video..." I really didn't want to hurt them by telling them all that they're fake people.  
"Can you show us an example of a computer, so we'll know how it works?" Altair asked.  
"I'll bring a laptop, a mini-computer, as people would call it. It's the same." I said, walking away, going to my room. I came back with the lap top, sat on the couch, turned it on, and demonstrates it to Altair about how it works.  
"and that, there, is how a computer works."  
"." they all said at the same time. Shaun and Desmond were the only ones that had said nothing.  
"What's that?" Ezio points to the t.v.  
"this is going to be a long day..." I sighed. Now I'm stuck, having to explain everything to them...


	2. Home run

"That is a television, Ezio... it usually tells you stories, lame advertizements, etc with pictures. not paintings, pictures. it's really hard to explain, since i wouldn't bother know information about this."  
"What's that?"  
"Is that what i think it is?"  
"IT'S SO LOUUUDDD!" All of them except Shaun and Desmond were talking to each other, confused about the technology, yelling at each other, annoying the hell out of me with questions...  
Why me?  
"ALRIGHT, ALRIGHT, ENOUGH! Malik, give me my Ipod back, where did you even get that?" I yelled to get them to shut the fawk up as i snatched the ipod away from Malik. "This Malik, is my ipod. it plays music."  
"Makes sense... at least i think so..."  
"How is that possible? Without a maestro, a singer, the ones who play the music... how?" Ezio asked, curiously.  
"Ezio, put these earplugs in your ears." I handed over the earplugs to him. He looked confused about the earphones. I groaned in frusteration and put the earplugs for him. He looked at me, curiously, but I nodded, assuring that it's safe. I look at the screen of my ipod nano, and searched for a song that I think he might like. I lowered the volume and played 'Chromaggia' by Blind Mag from 'Repo! the genetic opera.', since basically, that's the only Italian song I have there. I should've played one of the Assassin's Creed soundtracks, but that'll do.

Ezio had a worried look on his face. Uh oh... he pulled the ear plugs out of his ears, and glared at me.

"You are a sick person! You trap people into this... magic thing, just for your entertainment! You're a witch, aren't you!" he yelled.  
"Not true! That's not how it works, that's entirely impossible! No one can be able to do things like that! If it was possible, I'd be thrown in jail! Well, I kept being called a witch in school, though... because I wear black all the time... but I'm not a witch, I can assure you! Let me play a different song, ok?"  
He looked at me, suspiciously, but then nodded. I put the earphones back into his ears, and played one of my favorite Assassin's Creed soundtracks... 'Ezio's Family'. He was listening, and he became calm and relaxed, listening to the sound of music.

"You've hypnotized him, haven't you?" Leonardo asked.  
"No, I think he just likes that song. I like that song too." I said, calmly.  
"I... I think I want to hear some songs to... from that... thing." Malik said, hesitatingly.  
"Alright, after Ezio."

When the song finished, Ezio looked at me, with a sad face.

"Why did you stop the song?" he asked.  
"I didn't. It stopped itself. The song ended." I said, calmly.  
"I want to listen to it again... it reminds me of..."  
"Ezio, Malik wants to hear a song as well."  
"NO, IT'S MINE!" he ran out of the living room with my ipod.  
"HEY! GIVE ME BACK MY IPOD!" I screamed, chasing after him. God damn it...

Hours later, Desmond caught him, and gave back the ipod.

"Alright, No one is going to listen to this ipod anymore." I spoke out loud. "This is my ipod, and mine only. If any of you break it, I'll be very mad, and you DON'T want to see me mad."  
"Why can't I listen to the song now?" Ezio exclaimed.  
"Because you tried to steal it from me. You can listen to it later."  
"It's not fair! Why does he get to listen to music but I can't?" Malik cried.

What am I, a babysitter?

"Later, there's so much to do!"  
"I would like to go on the device that does whatever you want. I want to try it" Altair spoke.  
"Ok, fine. Ezio will play on the laptop with you, ok?"  
"What? why?"  
I ignored Ezio's cries, going over to the laptop, and went to internet explorer, and went to google. Ezio sighed and sat next to Altair. They both were confused about how to use the laptop.

"The letters aren't in alphabetical order, ok? It's quite simple, you just have to type." I said, taking the laptop, sitting on the couch between Ezio and Altair. "Now, what should I type?"  
"What rhymes with corn?" Shaun smirked, deviously. It took a while for Altair and Ezio to think of what rhymes with corn...  
"PORN!" Ezio exclaimed. "Let's see what that is!"  
"i will not write PORN, for god's sake." I growled at Shaun as he snickers with Desmond, but that made me just wonder... how did Ezio think of that? why not horn or torn? I guess he just wanted to learn new things.  
"How about cool math?" I asked. "That's where all the games are at."  
"Good enough."  
I began typing cool math, really fast. Altair, who was so curious, descided to ask,  
"What sorcery is this?"  
"Not sorcery. I just type fast. My friends were surprised too... on second thought, I don't want to play cool math now, let's just play Wii."  
"What's a wii?" Malik asked.

One hour later, well, apparently, it took me that long to explain, but they were catching on.

"Alright, so, I will hand the wii remote over to you, and you will use it to swing to make a hit on the baseball. Lets see how well you can hit." I handed the wii remote to Malik. "If I could play with one hand, you can play too. just keep your eye on the ball."

Malik had his eyes on the screen. He had the remote over his shoulder, just as I told him to do so, and he was ready. He waited for the ball to come towards him. When it did, he did actually hit the ball, hard, unfourtunately, the remote flew out of his hand and hit Altair's head.

Look on the bright side... he made a home-run.


	3. Karayoke of doom

When I said Malik made a home run, I mean it litterally. It turns out he hit Altair on purpose. He hit and ran, hit 'n run, as you would all say. Altair chased after him, as if he knew that he hit him on purpose. I would chase after them, but I have asthma. Yes, that is an excuse to just watch Altair chase Malik as Malik laughs. I always thought it would be the other way around, but this is good enough. I kept yelling out, 'Run, Malik, run!' just to make this moment a parody of 'run, forest, run!'

"YOU BASTARD, I'M GOING TO GET YOU!" Altair yelled, chasing after Malik. Malik ran over behind the kitchen table, laughing.  
"Temper, temper, novice. You really should control your anger. Oh, that's right, you can't. You were litterally born with it!" he laughed before Altair threw a throwing knife at him. Luckily, he ducked. "MISSED!" Malik chirped, before running away into my room, shutting the door, laughing out loud. Altair's anger amuses him, apparently. I walked over to Altair, curiously, but calmly. pleasedon'tkillme,pleasedon'tkillme,pleasedon'tkillme... that's all I could think of, words so close together, no space at all. I wonder if you could say that 3 times without having a tounge twister. Try it, before you read the rest. Done yet? Congratulations, novice, you failed epically. I now pronouce you epic and fail. you may now kiss my as-

"Altair, are you alright? Did he hit you hard?" I asked Altair, tugging on his robe.  
"Do I LOOK fine?" he snapped at me. I winced a little. I hate it when people snap at me.  
"... Well you look angry. Come on, Altair. We can get him back later, I have plenty of pranks to pull, Altair, PLENTY. Come with me and play the wii with us. I'm going to turn on the sing-a-long set. We have that on wii."

minutes later...

"AND WILL ALLLLWAAAYS LOOVVVE YOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUU"  
Altair... great assasssin... horrible singer... why? of all the games I had, I suggested the karayoke...  
"And I'll always... I'll always... loooovvve yoooOOOOOUUUUU."  
We all had to cover our ears... all of us. Leonardo was the only one who wasn't covering his eyes. He didn't want to hurt Altair's feelings.  
"How was that?" Altair says, with a big grin on his face.  
"G-g-great... beautiful!" I said with a nervous laugh.  
"Even Claudia when she bathes herself sings better." Ezio muttered. I turned and looked at him, wide-eyed.  
"You watch your own sister take baths?"  
"No! What's the matter with you? I would not ever watch! EEK! How did you know that she was my sister?"  
"... I know you. All of you..."  
"Instead of listening to horrible singing, can we just get information that we need from you?" Desmond asked me. "How do you know us, what is your name, how old are you, and why are we here?"

"Can't we just hear Altair's beautiful voice one more time?" I yelped, grabbing the wii remote and clicking replay.  
Altair, Desmond, Malik, Ezio, Shaun, and even Leonardo glared at me. If looks could kill... yikes. Somehow I need to distract them...

A couple of minutes later...

"AND IIIIIIIIIII WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOOOOOOOUUUUU" I went on. All of them were staring at me (except Desmond and Shaun.), wide-eyed. I think i was a bit off-key... no I wasn't! When the song ended, I looked over at them, a bit worried that they were shocked to death, or something. Altair looked jealous, so that might be a good sign!  
"How? How did you do it?" Altair said, harshly.

I just smiled at him innocently. "Do what?" I asked.  
"That voice!" Ezio exclaimed, partly speechless.  
"Horrible? Beautiful? What's the rate? Hey, I'm not the best there is, alright? I know a million singers that are better than me. Well, the good news is, I'm better than Rebecca Black."  
"I'm singing again, alright! I will NOT let a younger girl BEAT ME." Altair said, jealous and angry.  
"How about a duet? Well, I'll stop singing for now. Malik vs Altair?"  
"Bring it on." Malik says, narrowing his eyes.

An hour of torture later...

"YOU WILL WHEN YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOUUU"  
I can't believe it. They managed to take one of my favorite childhood songs and crush it with their voices. Malik was doing better, but Altair...  
"ALRIGHT, I'LL GIVE YOU THE DAMN INFORMATION!" I blurted out. My eyes widen when they both gave Desmond a high-five. Those bastards. I sighed, and just said, "My name is Diana... there. I answered your question!"  
"That isn't the only one." Desmond had that sing-song tone... argh.  
"I know you... because... you guys are famous. Everyone here loves you, ok? You're part of history! I'm 12 years old, and I have no clue about why you guys are here. Didn't I already answer that? I already said that all I could remember was the lights, orange, blue... then Altair next to me trying to kill me... that's all. I don't remember anything else. I didn't see how Altair came. I don't know why Malik is shirtless and hot. I don't know why Shaun has boxers with hearts all over them-"  
"Please get me new pants." Shaun interupted me.  
"Let me finish. I don't know why Altair has a horrible voice. Let me just say it. I don't know."  
"Where are your parents?" Desmond asked, suddenly.  
"Out of town with my brother. I usually walk to school. Today is Saturday."  
"Can we just continue the song?"  
"NO!" I blurted out. "don't you DARE continue."  
Malik smirked, as if he was amused because I suffered an hour of them starting over songs, singing so horrible (Malik was better), arguing and arguing on who should go first... Malik, I hate you.  
"Malik. I hate you. So much."  
"Hate only strengthens me, young one." Malik spoke, with an amusing smirk.  
What I did not notice was that is was raining, and the sun came out. I saw it and gasped, and pointed to the sun, and laughingly sang, "The sun shall come up- blah blah blah blah." and then giggled.  
"It was raining?" Leonardo asked.  
"Seems like it. If you guys ever want to see the light of day, you'll have to change your clothes. Desmond, Shaun, you're both fine, Shaun, I'll just get you a pair of pants. The rest of you, come with me." I got up from the couch and walked towards my room. The ones who dressed strangely followed me.  
"My brother's clothes should be in the drawers. find some that you like and don't make them dirty." I sat down on my bed, just chilling, watching them pick clothes.  
"ahem." Ezio noticed that I was watching, expecting me to leave.  
"mmmhmm? OH! right, I should go!" I said, getting off of my bed, and leaving my room.  
"Yes, that is a good idea." Malik muttered.

It only took a couple of minutes just to hear one large crash. Fawk...

I quickly ran towards my room. "WHAT THE FAWK IS GOIN-...going onnn..." I began, then m-my eyes widen. You will not believe of what I have seen... Altair and Malik were fighting over a pair of pants, the wardrobe was knocked down, Ezio had his clothes ready, but was still dressing, Leonardo was hiding under the bed, the t.v. would've been broken, but it wasn't, but it still was lying on the ground with the Ps2 next to it, the Xbox was fine, but scratched, and Malik was pantless. What do I do at a time like this? Scream for Desmond.

"!" I screamed out loud.  
Desmond came running, and pushed me away from the room so I get the image of Malik and also Ezio's-...p-..pe-...PEEWEES! Malik's PEEWEE out of my head! I had to say peewee, alright? I don't want to use any other way to say it. I'm scarred for life. You'd say I'm lucky, but really? I DON'T want to see that! My poor virgin eyes are now whores. The problem is, they're fighting over my brother's clothes. Note this: My brother is a special ed.

Desmond managed to stop the fight and got them dressed up. He looked at me, curiously, and asked, "Hey, Diana, are you alright?"  
All I did was glare at him.  
"Alright? ALRIGHT? I just saw two grown men's PEN-"  
The men came out of my room, staring at me.  
"Pen...pennies. I found a penny. In my pocket." I took out the dumb coin out of my pocket. "See?"

The men stared at me, suspiciously.

"How does this thing work?" Altair pointed at the zipper of his pants... damn it, Altair!  
"I'm not going to help in that case..." I said, looking away. "Now... Please... CLEAN UP MY ROOM!"


	4. JC Penny's nightmare

It took them at leat 35 minutes to clean up my room and put away their old clothes. I was very upset at this moment, but feeling a little better. I did NOT need to see that, alright! Of course, they all don't really like their new clothings, so I'll just go ahead and take them to JC Penny.

"What's JC Penny?" Leonardo dared to ask.

"It's a type of clothing store that sells mostly clothes and other things."

"So every store is named JC Penny?"

"No, no no, Da Vinci, no. They're just called stores. JC Penny is a type of store."

"oooooooooooooooooooooohhhh." I just sighed and walked away, towards the front door, and walk to the van. "Over here!" I signaled them to follow. They did followed.

"... what is this?" Altair asked, staring at the van.

"a van." I simply said that as I was opening the van door with the key that I had around my neck. "Alright... who knows how to drive?"

Shaun and Desmond were the only ones who said that they knew how to drive.

"Figures..." I muttered. "Desmond, you're driving."  
"WHAT? Why him?" Shaun exclaimed.  
"Because I trust him more."  
Shaun narrowed his eyes and opened his mouth to argue, but Desmond softly punched his arm, playfully, before getting in the car. At least Shaun got to sit in the front! I'm stuck with these guys in the back!

"stop poking me with your only arm!" Altair complained.  
"Shut up, novice!" Malik growled.  
"Diana! Malik won't stop poking me and told me to shut up!"  
"What am I, your mother?" I sighed in frustration. They're completely out of character... maybe it's a side effect from coming into the future!  
"OWWWW! Diana! Malik bit me!"  
"I feel old now... guys, do you have your seatbelts on?"

The Assassins of the past (also artist of the past) looked confused when I said seatbelts, so yet again, I have to explain something...

It felt like an hour when Desmond finally got to JC Penny... why? WHY must they be screaming due to the moving car! It's like a horse, I tell them, A HORSE!

"LAND!" I screamed out loud as I jumped out of the car, kissing the ground. "I'll never take you for granted ever again!"  
"you're being a drama queen... you know that right, Diana?" Desmond commented.  
"If you sat where I sat, you'd feel like an old mother."  
Shaun just stared at me with an angry expression.  
"what? you got to sit in the front. I had to sit in the back."

It took a moment before we could get Malik out of the van with the rest of the group.

Out of the whole group, Leonardo was the most afraid of the cars that were driving by. He kept going, 'eeek!' each time a car was coming at him, thinking that he'll get killed by that car. The car only stopped and waited for him to cross by.

Finally, we're here, in JC Penny. Just when I thought things couldn't get worst, it did...

First of all, Ezio's flirting with a mannequin, second, Malik just made a four year old cry just because she asked why was his arm missing, and third, Altair kept trying to go up the escalators... nothing wrong there? He was trying to go up when the stairs were moving down at him and yelled out, 'what sorcery is this?'

And here I am, stuck with a whole bunch of complaints... that Desmond and Shaun received. I'm actually cool with this.

"Don't be shy, signora bella, I am a man of my word, and I shall treat you right... your silence means a lot of words to me." Ezio was still flirting with the mannequin... REALLY?

"I'm sorry for making her cry, but the little brat HAD to meantion my arm! Let me give you a little advice, teach her that whenever she sees a man with a missing arm that it is rude to stare and to ask how it got off!" Malik yelled.  
"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH!" the little girl cried out.  
"YOU ASSHOLE!" the dad screamed.

"WHAT SORCERY IS THIS? WHY CAN'T I GO UP! WHY IS IT MOVING DOWNWARD- I deMAND to know how to get it up!" Altair growled.  
there were teens snickering when he said, 'how to get it up.'  
"Why not go to the stairs that go up, smart one?" one of the 'smart' teens teased him.  
"How dare you speak to me that way? Do you KNOW who i am?"  
"Whoa, chill, dude, I was just giving you some advice-"  
"WHAT DOES DUDE MEAN, IS THAT AN INSULT?"  
"Dude, just calm down-" the guy has been punched, and there was a great big fight.

"Wait... where's Leo- oh my god..." I stared at Leonardo, who was in the bra section, wearing a bra on his head, chest, and ass... just when this day couldn't get any worst...  
"Oh my god, could I get your number? You are so funny! It turns me on!" a woman laughed.  
"My favorite number? Such a strange question to ask, but alright. Lets see... hmmm... i kinda like the number 8, but at the same time, i like 5..."

I think I'm having a headache... I thought that nothing could get any more worse than this, Ezio just ripped the head off of the mannequin and screamed, panicing.

"MIO DIO! uhh-uhhh... this sort of thing doesn't usually happen- ummm...ummm..." Ezio quickly ran away, dropping the head, and knocked over some clothes, then accidently broke a mirror (God knows how) and paniced even more when he saw the cash registers and yelled at the cashiers for scaring the merda out of him with all of that noise that they were making with the cash registers.

Next thing I know, we all were kicked out. It turns out that the dad of the little girl, that cried because of Malik, was the manager of JC Penny, and told the security to get us out.

"... Who wants to go to Walmart?" Desmond suggested.  
"We don't have time to buy walls!" Malik growled.


	5. School of embarrassment

Great, Tuesday already. I have school today... but how am i going to handle these guys when I'm at school? Time for a plan...

"Shaun, Desmond, you guys will be babysiting these guys." I scolded in a motherly manner.  
"WHAT? Oh hell no!" Desmond complained.  
"You expect us to be babysitting?" Shaun nearly yelled out.  
"I actually expect YOU to babysit. Desmond's taking me to school, and after i get dropped off, he can do whatever the hell he wants, since you think I'm expecting you to do what I want, but I actually don't, I just expect a slap across the face-" slap. "WHAT THE FAWK WAS THAT FOR?"  
"You said you expected a slap across the face."  
"Well not right now, I meant when I'm going crazy! PLEASE Shaun, I don't want my house to be a complete mess. My parents and brother would come back any time, I'm not sure when."  
"Fiiiinnnee..."  
"YAY!" Desmond and I gave him a big hug, and Shaun had his cute annoyed face. I love annoyed faces... It lets me know that my work as an annoying person is done.

I went back into my bedroom to change from my pjs to my clothes, brush my hair, teeth, get my backpack, and left the room, and went down the hall and left outside, going inside the car, waiting for Desmond to finish his breakfast... or whatever he was doing.

"Got your seatbelts on?" Desmond asked, just getting in the car.  
"Nope." I grinned, proudly.  
"Why not?"  
"Because... I want to be illegal."  
"Why would you want to be-... Diana, that makes no absolute sense."  
"I still want to be illegal."  
"Just-... just shut up and give me the directions to the school."  
"Alright... sooo... you first go-"

So, I went on with the directions. little did i know who was hiding in the van, in the empty seats...

Minutes later, Desmond drives the van over to the parking space and yelled out, "YES! haha! I had this parking space first!" and flipped some guy who was trying to get to the parking space before Desmond did.  
"Desmond... you do realize about who you've just flipped off?" I asked, boredly.  
"I don't care who it is, I got the parking space!"  
"My principal."  
Desmond said nothing else when I responded with those two words. "Uhhhh... have a good day at school?"  
"fawk you." I hissed as I was leaving the van.  
"... bye-" BANG. Desmond just got hit in the head by a random frying pan.  
"Where did you even get that, Leonardo?" Ezio curiously asked.  
"God knows where..." Leonardo muttered. "Got the thingy that makes us jump?"  
"I think so..."  
"Shaun told us it was a-... tra...trampo-...leenee?" Malik confusingly tried to pronounce the name of trampoline.  
"yeah, trampoleene, we'll just go with that, now lets go!" Altair left the van but someone grabbed the back of his hood and pulled him back.  
"WAIT! wait right there, novice."  
"Whhhaaaat?"  
"Who's going to be on the look-out?"  
"Most likely Altair, because apparently, he's mean to me."  
"Indeed. I agree. I'm sorry, Altair, but you must stay in the van."  
Altair huffs and crossed his arms, watching the others leave. Malik has a hard time climbing on the roof (since he has one arm), which made them lose more time, and eventually they got in school by 3 period. Leonardo was the one who was able to find a way to set up the trampoline, while the others couldn't.

"Alright, so, we go on it, and jump up and down until Diana sees us." Ezio explains. "and we say hi." he continued.  
"she'll be so thrilled to see us!" Leonardo clapped his hands together. I was NOT thrilled, by the way.  
"Let's just get this over with this..."

I was just writing down notes for science as my science teacher was sitting down, on his 'special chair', near the desk, when I look over at the window, really bored, then what I thought I was going insane... I see... Ezio... flying high near my window, waving at me... then Malik, scared as hell, then Leonardo, yelling out, "DIANAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! CIAAAAAOOO!" before going back down.  
"fawk..." I muttered.  
"Diana? Is something wrong?" my teacher asked.  
"OH! N-nothing, Mr. Welborn... who was born well... very well indeed... I like your eyes!"  
"... alrighty then! I have an interesting video about venom that are from snakes, spiders,-" then he turns on the interesting video. I'd usually get so into the video, but now, I'm just worried if they'll get caught, then I heard the lock down alarm.  
"Attention students, this is a lock down. Teachers, do not let any students outside." the announcer announced through the speakers  
"DAMN IT!" I growled. The students stared at me. "Mr. Welborn, the guy who was born well, may I go outside..."  
"Are you crazy? Did you not hear the announcer?" Mr. Welborn pointed at the announcer.  
"!"

Meanwhile:

"Templars!" Malik screamed, pointing at the security, getting off the trampoline with the two of them.  
"Damn it! FIGLIO D'UN CAN-" Ezio accidentally ran into a wall, backed away from the wall, staring. "That did not happen."  
"Oh dear..." Leonardo muttered.  
"Lets get out of here!" Malik began runnning away with the rest of the assassins, apparently they're retreating.  
"WAIT! WE HAVE WEAPONS!"  
"they've got guns!"  
"I HAVE A GUN!"  
"RUN, THEY HAVE MORE GUNS!"  
they all ran out of the school grounds and into the parking spaces. "START THE MOVING METAL HORSE, ALTAIR!"  
"WHAT? I DON'T KNOW HOW TO DRIVE THIS THING!"  
The three of them ran inside the car, but all had a hard time opening. "HOW DO YOU OPEN THIS THING?"  
Altair saw the secruity guards and came out of the van. "i'll handle these templars." he says in his arrogant manner and pulled out his hidden blade... that I did not know that he had all along...  
"HE'S GOT A WEAPON!" one of the security guards cried.  
"IDIOT! We've got GUNS!" the leader growled.  
"oh."  
Altair chuckled nervously and ran inside the van, while the rest ran in.

Fourtunately, Desmond woke up and paniced, starting the van and reversed driving the car, and crashed into a pole.  
"Diana isn't going to like this..." Malik muttered.  
"she's not going to like this at all..." Ezio whimpered.


	6. Kadar

"Ok, let me explain-" I began, trying to get myself out of trouble, but the principal wasn't too amused about this.  
"If you know these men, you will get suspended!" the principal yelled at me.  
"... I've never met these guys in my lifetime."  
"And what about that one? The guy who flipped me off?"  
"... That guy... I know... the rest, I've never met..."  
"DIAAANNAAA!" Leonardo whined.  
"We're going to get arrested if you say that!" Ezio growled.  
"Diana... tell the truth..." Desmond was the only one calm.  
"... they're my cousins... over-protective cousins?... My parents are out of town, and... they're suppose to look after me... They sent more than one, apparently, but, they thought that they'll do, so... sorry about what happened... please don't suspend me?"  
"... I'll think about it..."

12 minutes later...

"YOU IDIOTS GOT ME SUSPENDED!" I screamed as we were walking to the car.  
"Well, at least we aren't in jail."  
"I'd rather have you guys in jail! My mom's gonna kill me! THAT'S IT! TO THE TIME-COMPUTER-MACHINE!"

And yes, it took at least an hour to get these guys to even get into the van. They kept whining, and screaming that the van is evil- what are they? Assassins or toddlers? I mean, come on! They've rode this two times!

"Let me explain, alright? Shaun said that-" Malik begun to say until I cut him off with a slap on the hand.  
"I DON'T CAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARREE! You guys can't stay here, no matter how sexy Ezio is!" I scolded.  
"wait what?" Ezio cried out.  
"uh-uh, you guys have got to go home!" i shut the door of the van and walked inside, got the keys out of my pocket, and opened the door. "To the computer!" I marched over to the computer and put the cd of Assassin's creed one into it. when it began playing, i started to hit the computer. "come on! come on!"  
"what are you doing?" Desmond dared to ask.  
"hitting got you in, and hitting will get you out, now shut up and let me focus on my hitting! COME ON!"  
that's when the computer began glowing again. Orange shined from the computer screen, and then blue, and then-...  
Kadar happened.  
"... is that suppose to happen?" I shouted.  
"K-k-k-k-kadar?" Malik's voice broke.  
"Brother, where am I-" Kadar got cut off when Malik hugged him very tightly.  
"KADAR!" he sobbed. "KADARR! DIANA, BANG THE THING AGAIN, I WANT MY ARM TOO!"  
"no! you're suppose to get out of here- MALIK STOP HITTING THE COMPUTER- NOO!"  
Malik kept hitting the computer until it eventually broke.  
"You bastard! Now look at what you've done! Where am I going to get the money to fix this!"  
Malik was too busy hugging Kadar to even bother what I was saying. It was like I was speaking alien to him! I had to get the cd out before it breaks inside. I did. The thing I can do is to try to get the memory-ram-whatever my computer teacher was talking about and get a new computer and replace the thingy and-(excuse me for using 'thingy', I wasn't paying much attention in computer class) try to find a way to get everyone back into where they're suppose to be at, and hopefully everyone will be happy.  
"I am never going back!" Malik cried out.  
"what? But you have to!" I screamed.  
"If Kadar is dead in that devilish flat circle- whatever that thing is, and alive here, then I will not go back!"  
"I'm DEAD?" Kadar cried.  
"IT'S LIKE I'M SNOW WHITE!"  
"snow who-?"  
"SHUT UP EZIO! I'm trying to focus on how to get you guys home, and you aren't helping!"  
"Maybe if you took a sea-"  
"Leonardo, you're not helping either!" That's when I dropped down to my knees and began to sob. I'm such a crybaby... "Why can't things go back to normal, where you guys are home, safe and sound, where I'm getting good grades, where I'm yelling at AltairxMalik yaoi fans that Malik is obviously not a fag-"  
"what?"  
"WHY CAN'T THINGS GO BACK TO NORMAAALLL!" my face met the floor.

This... is embarrassing. Crying in front of the assassins. But I can't help it! What am I suppose to tell my parents? 'Oh, sorry, but I got suspended because of these assassins, and, um, the van was damaged, and this one-armed guy that came out of a game and broke the computer. sorry!'? It was a bit hard for me.

"Look, umm... it'll be alright, ok? Just calm down... maybe get some water. You shouldn't cry! Don't worry about it, everything will be alright!" Kadar smiled at me. I looked up and smiled at him back. I got up and... pounced on him... basically attacking him.  
"AAAAAAAAAAAHHH! WHY DID YOU HAVE TO COME? WHY CAN'T YOU JUST RANDOMLY POP OUT OF THE SCREEN AND TAKE THIS GUYS BACK! THEY'RE CAUSING TROUBLE!" I screamed, shaking him.  
"MAALIIIIKKK! MAAALLIIIKK!" Kadar cried.  
"DON'T YOU DARE CALL YOUR BROTHER-" BANG. I was blacked out.

Next thing you know, I'm tucked into my bed, and the t.v. was on, playing Spongebob Squarepants. Awwww, how did they know? How thoughtful- wait... I'm suppose to be mad right now, but yet I feel... distracted by the yellow sponge. I'm pathetic.

"Is she awake yet?" I heard different whispers from different voices. I didn't bother paying attention to who was talking, but I'll just assume you know who's doing the talking and who's not.  
"Shh! I think she is!"  
"Mio dio, just lock the door! She might still be upset over the figlio d'un cane's decision!"  
"WHAT DID YOU CALL ME?"  
"calm down, brother!"  
"You guys! shhh! One of us has to take a small peek, alright? In case she woke up."  
"Bloody hell, Desmond, what do you think we should do if she's actually awake?"  
"OH, so if you have a better plan, why don't you tell us?"  
"We stuff her in a bag and drop her into a waterfall, then she'll get adopted by wolves!"  
"Sarcasim is obviously not working."  
"Shut your mouth, what's-your-face!"  
"It's Altair...Al...TA...IR!"  
"Like I said, shut your mouth."  
"I got some sticks!"  
"Now where would you get that, Leo?"  
"OOH! I like that shortage of my name-"  
"where. did. you. get that?"  
"... outside."  
"and how did you get outside through that backdoor?"

"SHAUN!"  
"Hey! He wanted to go out, so I let him out!"  
"Alright! Enough, enough! Just give me those sticks, and all of these sticks will be in my fist. Whoever has the shortest stick, will have to take a peek. Ready... set!... DAMN! Ok, we'll do this three times, and in the last round... DAMN!... alright, last try... HA!"  
"URRGGGH!"  
"Come on, Ezio, a deal's a deal!"  
I heard it all. I pretended to be sleeping, so that I don't get to talk to them. Hey, I'm still a fan, but come on, they got me suspended from school!  
"Hey, bambina? awake yet?" Ezio says nice and sweetly. I heard a few little footsteps walking towards the bed. Then something sat on the bed... oh, what do you know, it's Ezio, sitting on my bed! hmmph!  
"Come on... wake up." he persuades by patting my leg.  
"uh-uh." I muttered.  
"She's awake you guys!"  
"OK, get her to get up!" Desmond yelled.  
"i don't wanna!" I groaned.  
"She doesn't want to!"  
"UGGHHH!" then I heard a few stomps coming into the room, and then something pushed Ezio off the bed, and grabbed my wrists and forced me out off the bed. It was Altair...  
"NOOOOOOOOOOOO!" she struggled as Altair tried to pick me up.  
"you're heavy!" he winced.  
"Let me go! PLEAAAAAAAAASEEEE!" I was dragged out of the room.  
"She decided to get up and come and talk to us."  
"... bye!" I start to go ahead and run into my room but Ezio blocked me from going in.  
"Ezzybear, let me in!"  
"what...?" Ezio stared, confused  
"I'll call you Ezio if you let me in."  
"You just did."  
"you'll never hear me say it ever again if you don't let me in my room!"  
Ezio just simply shoved me away from the room.  
"Could I at least get my cellphone?"  
"Look, we fixed your computer!" Shaun points.  
"... how long have I been knocked out?"  
"well... 3 hours."  
"oh... How did you fix my computer?..."  
"WELL. Desmond ended up unplugging everything and took the computer to a computer repair shop!"  
"And where did you find that?"  
"... we basically took 3 hours to find one... we just came back from the repaired shop!"  
"Alright then... but I have one thing in my mind..." I wandered off to the garage, came back up with a small chair, and walked towards the living room. "Come here!"  
Everyone just shrugged at each other and walked towards the living room, confused at why did I taped a piece of paper that has a writing that says, 'time out center.'  
"I have a plan. and I think it'll work. If this can work with toddlers... this will work for assassins."


	7. Time out!

"... che cosa?" Ezio managed to ask while staring at one of my greatest inventions.  
"This, my friends, is the time out center." I spoke proudly.  
"if it's called the time out center, why is it in the corner?" Malik dared to question me.  
"that's a very VERY good question...Malik... I actually do not know. Let me explain what this will be used for. If one of you guys do something bad, like... BREAK THE COMPUTER...Malik... or GET ME SUSPENDED... or embarass me in the stores, basically that has anything to do with destruction and bad behavior. Ezio, by the way, flirting with the secretary did not help get me out of suspension. I just want to say that. ANYWAYS, this often works with toddlers, since you guys have often been acting like toddlers, god knows why, you will be treated like them." I looked around to see if everyone was actually paying attention to the crap that I was talking about, but apparently... they weren't.  
"...What?" Altair was completely confused along with Kadar and Leonardo. I'm not sure if Ezio got the message, but Malik was definately not paying attention. Desmond and Shaun already know about this crap, so they didn't bother paying attention. Guess what? I have to explain it again, but in their language!  
"Don't do anything bad or else you get to sit here for many minutes!" I groaned in frusteration.  
"OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHH!" almost everyone said.  
"You lost me there when you meantioned that I flirted with the secretary..." Ezio mumbled.  
"So, now, Kadar needs new clothes."  
"Would this count?" Leonardo pulled out a bra.  
"Where did you get my mom's bra?"  
"I found it!"  
Facepalm. Facepalm. FACEPALM!  
"ok, so where did you find it?" I snatched the bra away from him.  
"well, it was on the floor..."  
"Alright, gentlemen, let me explain. This, right here, is for women. It is used for-"  
"breasts."  
I glared at the perverted assassin for about 3 minutes before yelling out, "EZIO! No interupting. Well, that is true... how did you know that?"  
"They kind of... remind me of them..." - PERVERT!  
"pervert... If Malik was a woman-"  
"Why am I an example?" Malik whines  
"We get it! It's used for breasts!" Altair complained.  
"UGH. Alright, but I want to know what it would look like on Malik."  
"You're not putting that thing on me."  
"hmm. Fine. I won't"  
"Could I try?" Kadar chirped, happily.  
"... You know, sometimes, I worry about your brother."  
"Just... be quiet, Diana... be quiet."

* * *

And so, Desmond decided to take Kadar and I to Macy's. Hopefully Kadar would behave better than his brother!...I was wrong.

"What's that? And what's that? Who's that? Hey what's this?" Kadar picked up one of the perfume samples and was just about to spray it on his face.  
"HEY DON'T-" I was too late. Kadar sprayed the perfume on his face, and screamed at the pain in his eyes, dropping the glass and covering his eyes, screaming in pain.  
"Kadar, calm down!"  
"IT HURTS!" he fell to the floor and started to squirm around, as if he was starting a tantrum.  
"Desmond, please say you have a hankerchief!"  
"why would i have a-"  
"IN CASE STUPID THINGS LIKE THIS HAPPENS!" I interupted him.  
Then when I thought this couldn't get any worse, Kadar began to knock things over, such as perfume samples, mannequins, clothing racks... PEOPLE.  
"IT BURNS! IT BURNS!" he kept screaming out loud as we try to catch his arms and failed. He made a couple of little kids cry and nearly pushed a teen down an escalator. Falling up would not be a pretty thing...

He kept trying to run away, but a couple of securities tackled him, and threw him out of Macy's. Litterally, they picked him up, and threw him out. We had to leave as well and try to calm Kadar down as we walked towards Target in the mall.

"You see? This is what happens when you leave Kadar unattended." Desmond stated.  
"ME? so this is MY fault. If you didn't have a hankerchief, none of this would've happened!" And so, the arguement began.  
"S-s-s-stop!" Kadar shouted. "stop! it's not your fault- STOP!"  
Kadar really startled us... Even I didn't expect that outburst. There was complete silence. None of us were talking, or yelling. There was just silence.  
"... Maybe Target would be the best place to go to... since they don't have FREE SAMPLES!"  
"but i didn't mean to-"  
"spray things on your face!"  
"Desmond!... now... all we have to do is get to Target, find some clothes and-"  
"i just don't get how people don't notice his clothes-"  
"DESY!"  
"... you did not just call me that."  
We were just about argue until Kadar became shakey and fell to his knees. "Is there something wrong?" I asked Kadar, very concerned. He shakely points at a mannequin in a store we just walked past. I groaned, grabbed Kadar's sleeve, and kept walking. "don't look at it... don't look at it... we're almost at target..." Then it hit me... they have plenty of mannequins around. This won't end well...  
"on second thought, Kadar can borrow some of Malik's clothes!" I chirped.  
"no, we are going to Target and that's fina-"  
"AHHHHHHHHHHH!" Kadar cut off Desmond with his screams as he tries to run away from the demon models. As he was running, he ran into some clothes, tripping over, and all the racks fell over and made a big mess... god knows how everything fell like dominos... He continued to run until he bumped into some shelves hard, and they fall over. He continued to run, despite this, running away from the security, then it hit him, he had a hidden blade! so, he ran over to one of the mannequins and stabbed it repeatedly until a security guard grabbed him. Desmond and I were just standing there and watching... We're going to be kicked out soon...  
"... yes, I agree." Desmond casually stated.  
"agree? to what?" I glared at him, angry.  
"... we should let him borrow Malik's clothes."

at this point, I wanted to choke Desmond...

* * *

"but these clothes don't fit me!" complained Kadar, in my batheroom.  
"we could've gotten clothes that actually fit you if you'd behave well!" I retorted. That's when we heard a loud scream and the flush coming from the toilet. I sighed and shook my head in disappointment. "Relax, Kadar... it only eats poop and drinks pee, I doubt it'll eat you!" I reassured him.  
"but it nearly ate my cape!" Ezio complained. I glared at him, because that might encourage Kadar to fear the toilet, then I heard a soft whimper coming from Leonardo... I looked over at him, and he had this anxious look on his face and he was fidgeting so much that made it look like he was doing a potty dance!

... oh god...

"What is it, Leonardo?" Ezio asked him, curiously. Leonardo stared at us, so very anxious.  
"i have to... umm... you know..." Leonardo began.  
"say it, Leo." I sighed in defeat. I know exactly what he was going to say.  
"urinate..."  
"I knew it. I know, you don't really have anywhere to pe-"  
"I do, it's actually the backyard, but i don't want to use it. I tried to warn Altair and Malik to get permission before urinating and-"  
"WHAT?"  
Immediately, I ran out of my room and ran straight to the backyard where I just stood and stared there in horror.  
" ...FAWK!" I screamed.

_**(Author's note: so sorry that it took so long to post another chapter. writer's block and my surgery is to blame. But seeing how many people like this story makes me say to myself, 'i'm a terrible person for not writing a chapter for so long...' so, here we go! :D hope you guys enjoyed it!)**_


	8. Oh, i'm such a bitch

"WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?" I screamed in horror. Malik looked up at me and just smiled casually. "what does it look like?" he replied with his world famous sassy-manner.  
"That spot you're taking a piss on IS THE SAME SPOT THAT I HAD TO BURY MY BROTHER'S DEAD IGUANA!"  
"calm down! it's not like i'm killing anythin-"  
"you're going to kill that rose! it use to be Oscar the iguana!"  
"just take a deep breath... he's 'watering' the plants..." Shaun tried to calm me down. I looked at him, horror in my eyes. I was terrified.  
"if... if Malik is taking a piss... and he's standing up... and Altair is sitting down... that means he's..." My eyes soon widen at the realization when I heard some loud grunting coming from the bush of flowers next to Malik. "no...nononononononnonononono!" I fell to my knees, covering my ears.  
"what is she-" Ezio was cut off by my loud screams. Every one of them flinched at my loudest scream that i've ever made in this entire planet...

* * *

It was not long when I made the both Malik and Altair sit on the smallest stool I can ever find in the time-out center. They both were complaining about how they both can't sit in the same stool, but I just ignore the two... but it was hard, since they litterally were like toddlers. When I leave the room, they would get up and follow me, complaining about everything, forcing me to add more minutes.

" .THERE." I growled in frusteration.  
"but this stool is so small!" Altair whined  
"you should've thought of that, novice!"  
"HEY! no one calls Altair novice but me!" Malik hissed.  
"you know what? Malik gets to sit on the stool. Altair, you have to-..." That made me begin to think for a long time. What can he do that would make him completely uncomfortable... I remember my P.E. teacher would tell students that weren't doing what to do to get into an up-push-up position for minutes, and if they lose balance they start over... but that wouldn't work out for Altair, since he clearly seems to careless about pain, well, that's what I think... I couldn't think of anything that he's afraid of- WAIT A MINUTE! DING. Oh god... what do I do?... There's a lightbulb above my head... oh wait, i'm suppose to think about what i'm going to do?...GREAT IDEA!  
"Altair. I have something in mind for you... Shaun, Desmond... you are going to help me."  
"ok... what's the plan?" Desmond asked and I whispered the plan to him. His eyes widen and he shook his head quickly. "NO! i'm not going to see my own ancestor naked!"  
I sighed and then I facepalmed. "fine, he doesn't have to take a bath without his clothes then. Just help."  
Altair got up and stared at us, curiously. "What are you up to?" he decided to ask us.  
"Just follow us..." I took his hand and lead him to the bathroom. "just take a seat. right here..." I patted on the tub. He shrugged and he climbed in.  
"Alright, Shaun, Desmond, pin him down." I instructed.  
"i call the shoulders!" Shaun ran over and pinned his shoulders.  
"why do I have to pin down the hips?" Desmond shuddered and pinned down the hips.  
"what the- GET YOUR HANDS OFF OF ME!" Altair struggled for freedom.  
"we need back-up..."  
"alright... Kadar! Leo! get in here, quick!"  
Leonardo and Kadar ran in and I gestured them to pin Altair down so Altair won't be getting out. I turned on the water and Altair screamed out loud, struggling. "AAAAAAAAAAAAHHH! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!"

"WATER'S NOT GONNA HURT YOU-"  
"BWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Altair's screamings cut me off.  
As if on cue, Ezio runs in, extremely concerned about the screamings.  
"what's going on?!" he asked, with a worried look on his face.  
"HELP, THEY'RE TORTURING MEEEEEEEEE!"  
Ezio stared for a long time. "are you... trying... to make him take a bath with his clothes on?"  
All of us nodded and that definately made him laugh out loud. "MIO DIO!" he laughed.  
"WAIT... who's watching Malik?" Everyone but Altair stared at me. "ummmmmmmm... Kadar, help me find Malik!"  
"OK!" he smiled brightly, letting go of Altair and ran out of the room with me to get to the living room. Oh god... Malik's gone...  
"where the hell could he be?!" I whined. that's when i heard loud cat-like yowls that sounds like... BELLE! oh god!  
"Belle!" I screamed, running to the garage and watched as Malik struggles with my calico cat as she claws at his leg, climbing up at him, attacking him, since he's an 'tresspasser'.  
"GET THIS DEMON OFF OF ME!" he screamed. I ran to his aid and grabbed Belle, holding her close to me.  
"she's not a demo- OW!" I screamed as Belle scratched my face and ran off. On her way, she hissed at Kadar, who has jumped up onto the counter, trying to keep his legs away from her.  
"well... not when she's on her period..." I muttered, jokingly. "anyways, why aren't you at the time-out center?!"  
"because a little black kitten descided to play with my fingers and I went to chase after him. He went in here and suddenly the cat from hell attacked me!"  
"wait a minute... a little black kitten? Where is he?!"  
"meow!" I heard a soft meow and felt a little head rub at my leg. I looked down and saw my little kitten, rubbing against my leg.  
"awwwwwwwwwwwwwww! Ezio! my baby Ezio!" I picked him up and hugged him. "you cute little kitten! who's the baby in the house? you are! you are! yes you are! awwww!"  
Kadar and Malik stared at me for a long time at my girlyness.  
"oh no! I almost forgot about Oliver and Simba!" I put Little Ezio down and ran back, looking for Simba and Oliver. Yes, I have four cats. Got a problem?

* * *

"Simba?! Oliveeeerrr!" I kept calling out their names and then something tackled me. "AAAHH!"  
"GRRRRRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAARG GGHH! YOU BITCH! YOU TRIED TO DROWN ME IN THAT WATER!" Altair yelled, pinning me down on the ground, hitting me with his fists.  
"AAAAAAAAAAAHHH! OWWWW! STOOOOOOOOOOOOPPPPP!" I struggled, then the phone rang. The ringing scared Altair terribly. He let go and tried to run away, but instead he bumped right into the wall and fell over. I looked up, casually stood up, and answered the phone. "hello? PRISCYYYY! hi! how are you doing?! yeah... mmhm. awww! awesome! oh, yeah, i'm pretty much busy... i'm babysiting right now."  
Kadar stared at me, then he looked over at Malik, confused.  
"is she talking to the..." Malik began.  
"oh, i gotta call you back. i'm busy right now. bye!" I hung up and looked at them. "That was my friend. she called."  
Still confused... Look, I'm not going to go through an explaination of what is this and what is that, blah blah blah, I'm just too lazy to do so, alright? Speaking of which... where are the guys that were suppose to pin Altair down?!  
That's when I heard a large flush... uh oh.  
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAHHHHH!" I heard Ezio screamed and he ran out of the bathroom and he tripped over my kitten that yowled in pain out loud.  
"oh no my baby Ezio, are you alright?!" I screamed.  
"ummm... si, i'm fine-"  
"NOT YOU!" I ran over to my little kitten, hugging him. "baby, it's ok! shhh! i won't let the bad man hurt you, it's ok!"  
"... che cosa?"  
"oh, this is my kitten. His name is Ezio. i have four cats in this house, don't mind them."  
"wha-what?" Altair looked over at me and Ezio, he's litterally soaked and wet. I sighed, shaking my head.  
"alright... I think I better teach you guys something..."

* * *

And so, when the madness was over... I managed to get them all back into the living room and get them to sit on the couch. Almost all of them... Oh well. Anyways, with the help of Desmond and Shaun, I could teach them how to...err...use the toilet...

"ok, since I'm not that good at teaching... and I'm female... Desmond and Shaun will demonstrate!" I crossed my arms, cheerfully.  
"wait, how are we going to demonstrate?" Desmond asked me.  
"oh, umm... don't worry... just close the curtains and I'll be in my room. When you guys are done, just give me a signal."  
"but what's the signal-"  
I just casually left the living room and went into my room, ignoring them. Aah... peace and quiet...

"escuse me, young lady... do you mind telling me what i'm doing in here?"  
I looked over at the voice and my eyes widen.  
so much for peace and quiet...

**Author's note: Your time is now! post in the comments about who should be the next Ac character to randomly appear in my house! (sniffles) my poor house...**


	9. And the winner is

**Author's note: and the winner is... DRUMROLL PLEASE!...**  
**CONNOR! (Don't worry, I'll get some female characters around.) Connor, so far, had the most votes aside from other characters. I am having a little trouble with writer's block, but I do get some ideas from my friend, It'sacow, also known as Priscy and Huntress, so I can't leave her with any credit. (I'll get sued... HEHEHE.) So, anyways, to help me with this little predicament, why don't you give me some funny ideas, and maybe, if i like it enough, i could add it to my chapter and give you credit. Safety and peace! :D**

I... I just couldn't believe my eyes... how did he... WAIT! I know how...

_flashback_

_"what are you doing?" Desmond dared to ask.__  
__"hitting got you in, and hitting will get you out, now shut up and let me focus on my hitting! COME ON!"__  
__that's when the computer_ began_ glowing again. Orange shined from the computer screen, and then blue, and then-...__  
__Kadar happened.__  
__"... is that suppose to happen?" I shouted.__  
__"K-k-k-k-kadar?" Malik's voice broke.__  
__"Brother, where am I-" Kadar got cut off when Malik hugged him very tightly.__  
__"KADAR!" he sobbed. "KADARR! DIANA, BANG THE THING AGAIN, I WANT MY ARM TOO!"__  
__"no! you're suppose to get out of here- MALIK STOP HITTING THE COMPUTER- NOO!"__  
__Malik kept hitting the computer until it eventually broke.__  
__"You bas-"_

End flashback

Eh? eeehh? remember? hehe, I sure do. Remember how in the beginning, the 6 first assassins came in random places rather than in the same place? That must've happened to Connor when Kadar came in the room. Wait... then why didn't he open the door? Ok! more flashbacks!

"Answer me, child!" Connor snapped.

... ok, no flashbacks.

"I-...I don't know... I've spent thousands of years trying to find out how to get these innocent people back home..." I whimpered a little bit. Ok, I lied a little bit there, but I bet he would find out eventually.

"THOUSANDS of years?! you're only a child! are you a witch?!" maybe more than eventually.  
"yes. i am a witch. i am a beautiful woman trapped in a young 12 year old body."  
"you're lying."  
"what makes you think i am?!"  
"children would make up those kinds of ridiculous ideas. so, do you truly don't know where I am?"  
"Well, Connor, I don't kno-"  
"how did you know my name?!"  
"...this will be hard to explain but... You're not real. you are a fictional character from a game called 'Assassin's Creed', and you are the ancestor of Desmond miles and the descendant of Altair Ibn La'ahad and Ezio Auditore. Also, you have a cousin named Daniella." I just HAD to add my OC fake ancestor there.  
"... What?!"  
"It's the truth, and I am sorry to tell you that."  
"I don't even know any uncles or aunts!"  
"ok... by the way, you're missing the potty lesson, come with me!"  
"potty? wha-"

I cut him off by grabbing his hand and dragging him out of the room. "YOU GUYS, STOP THE LESSON, WE HAVE A NEW GUY HERE!" Desmond frowned and crossed his arms. "we were just about to tell them about how to wipe their asses with toilet paper!" Shaun whined.  
"well, whatever you taught these guys you have to repeat for Connor, alright, he just got here! have a seat right there, Conny."  
"UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGG GGGGGGGGGGHHH!" everyone groaned.  
"wait, did you just call me-"  
"no time, I've got things to do!" I yelped as I ran into my room quickly and shut the door.

* * *

Three hours later... I was just minding my own business, watching SpongeBob Squarepants, when suddenly, Desmond stormed into the room.

"what- THIS is what you meant when you had things to do?!" He hissed.  
"yes! SpongeBob has new episodes!" I retorted.  
"UGH! why aren't you studying about how to get us back home?!"  
"i did... like... two hours ago... for like... 10 seconds..."  
"never mind that, everyone's getting hungry!"  
"FOOOODDD..." Altair whined, crawling past my room.  
"Waaaateeeerrrrrrr" Malik crawled after Altair.  
"VAGINAAAAAAAAASSS" Ezio follows.  
I just stared as more of them began to crawl past my room, whining. "...was this staged out?" I suddenly asked  
"what?! noooo!"  
"Desmond, what's my line again?" Leonardo asked, peeking into the room.  
"Art!"  
"ARRRRTTT" Leonard got down to his knees then he began to crawl.  
"... are you serious?"  
"JUST MAKE US SOME FOOD!" everyone but Desy and Shauny yelled out.  
"but i don't know how to cook!"  
"ugh! fine! I'll just go make up something!" Shaun growled.  
"wait! but i know how to make some pancakes, and maybe you guys could have some cereal instead!"  
"BLOODY HELL, I was just about to pick up this god damn spatula!"  
I groaned and walked out of my room and took a bowl, and added some fruit loops into it, then went over to the fridge, took out some milk, and filled it up, then stuffed it with a spoon, I followed the same pattern until I was done. I smiled happily and gave a bowl to Altair "Here you go, Alty!"  
"... I'm not eating that." Altair fussed  
"but... i worked so hard!"  
"it's dried up!"  
"... just drown the cereal into the milk so then it would be all wet and tasty!"  
"no."  
"come ooonn!"  
"no."  
"Here comes an eagle!" I picked up the spoon. "screeeeeeeeeeeeeeccchhhh! open the cave so it can go inside!"  
"mmm-mmm." Altair shook his head and pouts.  
"come ooonn."  
"uh-uh!"  
"look, Malik is already eating the food! are you going to let him finish before you and prove that he's more mature than you? are yooou?"  
"mmph."  
"come on, Altair!"  
"I SAID NO, QUIT TREATING ME LIKE A CHI-"  
I literally just stuffed the spoon into his mouth, innocently and pulled it away when the food landed into his mouth. "see? isn't good?" I smiled.  
He spit it at my face... meanie!  
"I'm not a child!" he hissed, got up and stormed off, until he tripped over and scraped his knee against an old wooden table tha we use to use for my cats so they could use them as a scratch post. It gave him some splinters.  
"OOOWWW! DIANAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA !" he whined, beginning a tantrum on the ground.  
"ugh! some assassin you are... hang on, I'll go get some Band-Aids to fix your 'booboo'" I stormed off into the bathroom to get a wet paper towel.

* * *

Unsupervising them for 5 minutes was a terrible idea! I came back to the dining room and the table was flipped over, milk and cereal was all over the floor, broken bowls on the ground- you know what? It was just a disaster, I can't even describe it!  
"You assassins!" I screamed out loud, storming into the living room to find that the couch pillows were all ripped up. I glared at everyone in the living room like my mother would glare at me. They can't deny this mess! There's evidence all over them! Feathers are on them to prove it!  
"...Run!" Ezio got up and ran, and the rest followed.

... looks like I'm up for the chase...


	10. B-Day Special!

**OOC: Hai all of you novices (yes, that's how I spell my hi's.) Thank you everyone for the nice comments! Feel free to give me ideas for the next chapters! I am sorry I haven't been here in so long, you guys missed my birthday and it's a bit of my fault... so, this will be a little birthday special! The time has been skipped and it's September 15. Hope you novices enjoy! :) **

It's been many months since they've came to my house... and STILL I haven't found a way to send them back home... They all managed to get use to the technology and some even learned how to use it! I can tell, because some of them have been using my computer for... interesting pictures and videos... Today is my birthday and my parents aren't home yet. They're still on their 'vacation'. Eh... today could be my relaxing day if the assassins would just let me have my break. Hopefully they will... well that's what I thought. All I wanted was a nap... but we can't always get what we want.

"DIANA, GET YOUR ASS OFF THE BED!" Altair grabbed my feet and pulled me off the bed.  
"AAAAAAHH! no, I want to sleep!" I screamed.  
"get up, today you are going to the magical land they mall!"  
"but why?!"  
"JUST GO!" he shut the door, leaving me on the floor. I looked so confused so I got up and opened a waredrobe, picking out an outfit. I went inside the bathroom and wet my hair so it wouldn't be poofy. My mom would tell me that it doesn't help but, hey, I'm home alone with 8 assassins that don't give a bluge, does it matter?  
I don't like applying make up since it makes me feel girly. It's annoying when girls almost my age and older think it's cute to wear jeans so short that it should be their underwear, yet they blame men for being pigs... Look, girls... if you want to impress your crush, don't impress him for the wrong reasons. Don't you want him to think that you are a nice intelligent girl that likes to have fun rather than a girl with legs and...clevelage? Oh, I'm thinking randomly again... I wonder if my friends even remember my birthday...

Sorry for those unneccessary thoughts, but it really annoys me when I'm in school and teens would tease me for hiding everything, ask me why I wear black and if I'm gothic... I'll continue my rant later once I finish this story.

"Breakfast is ready!" Desmond chirped.  
... What?... I usually would make breakfast... oh well, at least it's nice to know-... Is he wearing my mother's cooking apron and that random chef hat?!  
"Desmond... what up with that outfit?" I asked.  
"oh, uh... Shaun said I should make breakfast and umm... I can't feel like a cook without this outfit!"  
"...Well, ok-"  
"TIME FOR SHOPPING!" Shaun grabbed my arm and dragged me out of the house.  
"WAIT! I didn't even have breakfast!"  
Shaun grabbed the van keys and dragged me over to it, opened the door, shoved me in, walked over to the driver's seat, start the car, and drives. Well... a way to start my birthday...  
"So, which store do you like? Jc Penny, Petsma-"  
"we were banned from all stores, remember?" I interupted him.  
"bloody hell, can't you be cheered up for once?"  
"...Sure! I can... I guess..."  
"Good... Hello!"  
"Hel-"  
"shut up."  
I hate it when he does that to me... He would trick me into saying hello back at him once he says hello, and then interupt me by telling me to shut my trap. Awesome... and great.

"So, whic-"  
"Petsmart!" I interupt him once again, angrily and annoyed.  
"Christ, Diana!" He nearly jumped out of his seat over that random outburst.  
"Ha!"  
That's when he does something I really hate... turn up the volume of a rap song. He knows I hate rap. It's so annoying! It's just people rhyming things while talking or whatever. I'll never understand it. I only like it if it's in another language and doesn't deal with violence, arrogance, or whatever you kids like these days!

"Shaaaunnnnyyyy! Turn that down!" I whined.  
"call me that again. Let's see what happens." he hissed.  
"but Shaunyboobeaaar!"  
"cut it out!"  
"No!"  
"I swear to-"  
"WATCH OUT FOR THAT CAT!" I pushed him so he would turn the wheel to avoid running over a cat.  
"JESUS!" he screamed. "Bloody hell, Diana, do you want the two of us to get killed over some stupid cat?!"  
"it was trying to cross the street, Shaun!"  
"so?!"  
"Would you run over a child?"  
"Well-"  
"would you!?"  
"that's diffe-"

LETS skip this debate, shall we? Eh heheh...eh heh...eh...

Finally, after a long debate on if it running over a cat is less important then running over a child is over, we finally arrived at Petsmart.  
"Here we go now-" Shaun was just about to park until someone took his spot. "HEY, YOU BLOODY (bleep!... what, I censor things!)OLE, that was my spot!"  
Then the funniest thing happened. A man with muscular arms with a tatto on his right arm which involves someone getting stabbed repeatedly on the chest. "got a problem!?" he growled.  
"oh! nothing, carry on!" Shaun nervously laughed. Then a pregnant woman came out of the car to comfort her husband along with two other kids in the backseat as well as an old woman.  
"Oh, expecting wife? fascinating! such a nice and beautiful grandma you got there! look at those adorable kids!" Shaun complimented, trying to become friends with him so he doesn't get murdered.  
"HOW DARE YOU! That pregnant woman is my daughter, and this 'grandma' is my wife, and these kids are little dwarves that are my friends! I WILL KILL YOU!"

Shaun drove on faster to find another parking spot further away from the man that was furious. "phew, that was a close call, wasn't it?"  
"Shaun... are you a coward?" I asked.  
"What?! no." He hissed.  
"Then why did you let that man take what's yours?"  
"did you NOT see that tatto?! his muscular arms... HUGE arms, Diana! We will die!"  
"...wow... I bet Altair would pick up the fight... he's beaten men with huge heads, you know."  
"shut up!" Shaun parked finally into a free space and got off the car, looking around for safety. "the world has gone topsy turvy..." he muttered.

I walked off, towards Petsmart when he grabbed my arm.  
"Careful! Do you want that man to eat you alive?!" he shouted.  
"what are you, my prince in shining armor?!" I pulled away, and crossed my arms, and turned away, walking towards the store.  
"I guess I'll just... stay here..."  
"You're suppose to come, I can't hold any kittens or play with them without a legal guardian!"  
Shaun quickly followed, looking around for any danger.  
I walked away, casually towards the kitten section. They all meowed at me and purred. "awww! they're all so cute!" I giggled. "especially that one!" I pointed to a little orange kitten that was at least 3 weeks old.

That's when I noticed Shaun taking out his wallet.

"Shaun... what are you doing...?" I tilted my head  
"EXCUSE ME, SIR, HOW MUCH IS THAT KITTEN?!" he yelled at a employee.  
"wait, Shau-"  
"you should see it on his information tag."  
"100 dollars?! THAT'S ABSURD! oh well, here you go!"  
"wait, Sha-"  
"think of it as a present."  
"but I already have four-"  
"I SAID THINK OF IT AS A PRESENT!"  
I remained silent over that random outburst. "o-ok..." I squeaked.

* * *

About 5 hours later, I was trapped in a van with a bunch of clothings I didn't ask for, a kitten, a bunch of jewlery, crumpets, yougurt, and a Mcdonalds happy meal. Well, this is awkward, but finally we're driving home! Hopefully...

When Shaun parked the van, he jumped out of the driver seat, and just walked towards the house. "PAY UP!" he yelled as he got in the house.  
I struggled to take all the stuff he randomly bought for me inside the house to find out that...

"SURPRISE!" a bunch of people I don't know and the assassins yelled right in my face, making me drop all of the bags.  
"JESUS CHRIST!" I screamed.  
"I said pay up Desmond!" Shaun yelled at Desmond.  
"uuugh!" Desmond groaned, giving him 50 bucks.  
"... why is he-"  
"I made a bet that he wouldn't spend more than 1 cent on your birthday... and aparently he did... my 50 bucks..."  
I was about to say something until I heard loud booming noise coming from the kitchen.  
"i'm sexy and i know it!"  
"... you seriously put THAT song?!"  
"don't like it?" Altair tilted his head.  
"weird, most children your age would like that song..." Shaun wondered.  
"Where's Ez-"  
"I'M SEXY AND I KNOW IT!"  
"Jesus christ, please tell me he's not using the karyoke-"  
"Diana, Diana, I got you a present!" Kadar chirped and hand over his hidden blade.  
"aww, thanks Kadar, but that's your-"  
"look Diana! i made a painting!" Leonardo showed me a painting of Mona Lisa... in the version of me.  
"than-"  
"stay right there!" Connor left the house.  
"how-"  
"Kadar, that's your blade!" Malik nagged  
"but I want to give it to her!"  
"これは私が今までに行った奇妙な誕生日パーティーですが、それは楽しみです!" I heard someone say  
"what are my foreign neighbors-"  
"I GOT YOU A PRESENT!" Connor shoved a cat in my face  
"But that's Ol-"  
"I already got her a kit-"  
"STOP!"  
Everything was silent except for Ezio's random singing-along.  
"alright... how did you know it was my birthday?"  
Everyone pointed to the calender on the left.  
"oh... so, how did you guys inv-"  
"I AM THE BEST WINGMAN EVER! HEY, HEY MAN! WANT THE BIRTHDAY GIRL!?" a random hobo yelled out  
"eerr, no thank you, she's 13..." Desmond casually walks off.  
"is he drunk?!"  
"... maybe..."  
"he was ugly anyways..." the hobo patted my back  
"he's no-"  
"THERE'S MORE FISH IN THE SEA! HEY, HEY YOU! YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL! YOU AND THIS BIRTHDAY GIRL WILL MAKE BEAUTIFUL BABIES!"  
"no-"  
"SLOW DANCE! hummmmmmmmmmmnaaaaaaaaaaaaaa aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa aaaaa! THIS GIRL IS SO BEAUTIFUL, I WILL MAKE OUT WITH HER TO PROVE TO YOU MEN YOU ARE MISSING SOMETHING!"  
"someone help...!"  
"Alright, that's enough..." Altair sighed and grabbed the hobo.  
"NO WAIT! SHE MUST HAVE A BOYFRI-" he was kicked out.  
"ok, so-"  
"PAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA RRRRRRRRRTAAAY!" I heard a familiar voice and walked over to the kitchen to find my best friend dancing on the table.  
"Priscilla!"  
"HEEEEEEEEYY GUUURRLLL!" she jumps down and hugs me tightly.  
"Jesus chri-"  
"Don't be a party pooper! dance with me!"  
"i'm not good at-"

* * *

Two hours later, I was dancing like crazy until I fell off the table. Yes, as you would expect, there was a bowl on my head. I ate all the chips. Oh, there was no cake, by the way... Desmond failed at making it. THE CAKE WAS A LI- I will not do that, please! I looked up, realizing people are leaving. Awww, party is over. What time was it... 9:00pm already?... What time did I get up...

I got off the ground and went to the living room to pick up the random kitten I got today. Ezio was asleep on the couch, Malik was watching t.v., and Altair was picking his nose. Ew...

"Hey, I just met you, and this is CRAAAAAAAAAAAZY, but here's my number... YOU BETTER CALL ME!" Priscilla gave Altair her number before leaving, when he just stared at the numbers with his finger in his nose still.

"ok... thank you guys for the party! it was thoughtful of you. I'm still having some trouble on trying to find a way with getting you guys back home... but you guys won't mind, would you?" I spoke.  
"Of course not." Kadar smiled.  
"I would." Altair flicked a booger off his finger.  
"... would it kill you to use a tissue?"  
"would it kill you to not nag?"  
"but that is disgusting!"  
"so?!"  
"Novice!"  
"don't call me that!"  
"But don't do that, pleaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaassse?!"  
"fine!... only when you aren't around."  
"YAY!"  
"Great, go to bed."  
"but-"  
"BED."  
"EEK!" I ran to my room, quickly.

* * *

5:00 am...

I'm awake, in the backyard, just watching the sky, with the kitten by my side. I never gave him a name... I shall name him PUSS IN BOOTS! yeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahh!  
Anyways, I heard some footsteps walking towards me.  
"What are you doing out of bed?"  
Malik...  
"I... wasn't sleepy." I told him.  
"But it's a little cold out here. You could get sick."  
"I know, I know..." I sighed. "You know... I envy you."  
"Excuse me...?"  
"You got a little brother with you. I've always wanted a little brother or sister. People that do have them would usually take them for granted. Some of my friends have little siblings, and they would always say they're annoying, they're vicious, and they would completely ignore them. They would tell me that they're the worst sibling ever or whatever, but really... I think they're just doing it wrong. I think the real worst sibling is them. They don't know how to handle it. This one girl would say that she wants to see her sister die, and another one saying that he wished his brother wasn't born, but come on, they're only, what, 5? 7 years old? They're doing it all wrong. If I had a younger sibling, I would at least have 10 minutes of their time. Some of them would barely have a minute with them. It's unfair. The wrong people get what they want, you know what I mean? It's unfair. I would never say such things about them."  
Malik sighed, looking over at me, he clearly understood.  
"I understand what you are feeling... but you don't know what it's like. Sure, Kadar can be annoying sometimes, but, I could never say things like that. Yes, I would yell, but nothing beyond that. It's best to just not say anything until you are finally in their shoes."  
I grinned. "litterally."  
Malik chuckled, shaking his head. "litterally."

* * *

11:00 am

I saw out the window a familiar car... a white car... oh shintiddles.  
"oh no... it's my parents and my brother... what am I going to tell them... they're not even in the car, that must mea-"  
then the door opened.  
"Diana, we have a surpris-... who are these men...?"  
"... Pornstars."

what?! it was easier to explain!


	11. Happy halloween, you novices!

OOC:** Hai all of you novices, you must be wondering about the templars. Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeellll... just shut up and read this whole chapter. You'll see everything.**

"So, you mean to tell me... all these... men... came from your computer... in that game we bought." my mom clarified what I just told her.  
"yup yup." I smiled.  
"... i'm not comfortable with leaving men around you..." my dad growled. "or pedophiles..."  
"they're not pedophiles, i swear! if I try to hug this guy, he pushes me away, watch!" I ran over to Altair to give him a hug and he shoved me away and cussed at me in Arabic, then argues with Malik in Arabic.  
"see? good role models."  
"think of us as... babysitters." Desmond gestured his hands a bit.  
"... we only need one babysitter." my mom sighed.  
"but why not have 8 hot guys?"  
"DIANA."  
"... sorry dad..."  
"i'm godzilla." my brother randomly spoke up.  
"... riiighht..." Ezio tilted his head.  
"sooooooooooooooooooooooooooo ooooooooo... you guys won't mind if you help me out a bit? cause, Desmond's running low on cash-"  
My mom and dad quickly got off the couch, grabbed my brother's wrist, left the house, went back in the car and drove off very fast.

"... they mind." I sighed and lowered my head. "great, now i'm on my own."  
"not necessarily on your ow-" Malik began.  
"yes, you're on your own." Altair cut off Malik.  
"meanies..."  
"so, i'm hooottt?" Kadar looked at me, tilting his head.  
"... do you even know what i'm referring to?"  
"well, i'm actually ok, umm... i don't feel hot at all, or cold..."  
"what's pornstars?" Leonardo asked.  
Ezio was grinning at the thought and looked away, nodding his head as if he was thinking. I think I know who is the culprit of my... very very... innappropriate history on my computer. If he learned how to use it, then yes, he is to blame. "... i'll tell you later." he told him.

"i'll tell you later, what is that sup- SMARTPHONE!" I grabbed one of the boxes my parents left on the couch and stared at it. "it even has my number written on the box..." This must be the surprise they were talking about earlier! I ripped the box and hugged the smartphone as if I just gave birth to it... From my ears.

"... it doesn't look smart." Connor stared.  
"it's called a smartphone, but it makes people lazier." Shaun commented.  
"shut up, Shaun! I got a better phone now!" I ran to my room and shut the door and locked it. "Just me... and a whole bunch of games to play... ON THIS PHONE!" I screamed happily.

* * *

One hour later.

"daddy don't leave... daddy don't leave..." I was listening to 'Family Portrait' by P!nk on my smartphone on youtube.  
I closed my eyes, listening to the song end... and I thought,  
'family don't leave... family don't leave, don't leave me here alone... I will be nicer, I will be so much better, I will tell my brother... I won't spill the milk at dinner, I'll be so much better, I'll do everything right, I won't randomly bring random assassins in our house again, unless I get your permission... oohhh..." I slowly fell asleep, a tear drop falling from thinking about my family.

* * *

I WAKE UP! TO... this... warehouse. How did I get here- MONKEY!  
I jumped up and down in my cage, staring at a monkey.  
"MONKEY! MONKEYMONKEYMONKEYMONKEYMONK EY!" I screamed, giggling.

monkey P.O.V:

I somehow have been trapped in this cage for about... 5 bananas on a brickwall with icecream on it. (meaning: five hours)  
and I've come across this... girl.. jumping up and down... wow, never have I ever had encounter such a stupid creature.

back to me:

I can't believe there's a monkey in my hou-... this is not my house. This is a warehouse. I realized that now. What am I doing here? Who could've put me here, in this cag- I'M IN A CAGE! AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH! OH MY GOD!

"OH MY GOSH, I'M IN A CAGE!" I screamed and ran into the bars, gigging. "owwiiiee!"  
"... THIS is the one who brought us here?" I heard a familiar voice.  
I looked up and saw Al Mualim, glaring at me. I think i'm in deep monkey doo-doo...  
"such a ridiculous, stupid child! are you sure this is the one?" OMG, CESARE!... I promised myself I wouldn't say omg.  
"We've watched her for days, playing with the assassins, this girl is the one." Vidic! What the underground fire?! (that's how I say hell. underground fire.)  
"OH MY GOD, VIDIC, AL MUALIM, AND CESARE! AAAAAAAAAHHH! Can I get out of here, please?" I asked, pressing my face against the bars, trying to squeeze out.  
"I really doubt that we're going to let YOU out." Al Mualim sneered.  
"...but why? my stupidity won't harm anyone!"  
"Yes, but... it might harm you, from the looks of it... we need you to get us home." Cesare narrowed his eyes.  
"but I don-"  
Vidic opened the cage. "alright, come out."  
"WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE EEEEEE!" I jumped out and began to ran. "HAHA! SUCKERS!" then I realize, Cesare was holding my hood. so I wasn't running at all! I was kicking the air!  
"We aren't letting you go anywhere." he hissed.  
"alright, how much?" I asked.  
"...pardon?"  
"how much you want, I haven't got all day."  
"I-I don't reca-"  
"YOU CAN'T EXPECT TO COME INTO THE WH(bleep)REHOUSE AND NOT EXPECT TO PAY! MY GIRLS HAVE PLENTY OF CLIENTS, THEY ARE NOT WILLING TO WAIT!"  
"AHH, I'M SO SORRY M'AM!"  
"YEAH, THAT'S RIGHT! YOU ARE! FIGLIO D'UN CANE!"  
Cesare let go of me and runs to a corner, sulking.  
"ha! sucker-" I bumped right into... Lucrezia. .DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNNN .  
"you expect to leave that easily, child?" she hissed.  
"... AH, my new whor-"  
I got slapped right across the face by her.  
"... you're mean!" I stepped on her foot.  
"AAAAAAAAHH!" she backed off and jumped on one foot. "MY NEW HEEL!"  
I was about to run until Al Mualim grabbed my ear. "OW, OW, OW, EAR, EAR, EAR, EAR, EAR!" and then he pushed me back into the cage and shuts it.  
"... but I was having fun!" I whined. "PUTTANAS! YOU'RE ALL PUTTANAS! YOU HEAR ME?! PUTTANAS, WHEN I GET OUT OF HERE, I WILL-"  
THAAAAAAAAAAAT'S when Cesare pointed his pistol at me.  
"...I will bake you all cookies."  
"what's this thing?!" Lucrezia was trying to figure out how to use my smartphone.  
"HEY! give that back!"  
"oh? this is YOURS bambina?"  
"yes, i would appreciate it if you gave it back."  
"ok!" Lucrezia happily gave the phone back.  
"YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY-... what does it have saliva on it?"  
"... i thought it was something you can eat." Al Mualim confessed.  
"...ew..."

* * *

_**SHORTIES!**_

This is a new segment where once in a while I play during the chapters. Short little funny events that deals with pranks, funny incidents, you name it!

Here is the prank of the day: Scary Maze Game.

this segment won't be short. it'll be long, actually, because I want to prank all of the guys in here. :)

THIS IS HALLOWEEN SPECULLLLLLLLLL! -kicks random guy down a bottomless pit-

Altair's reaction:

"ok, so, what is this?" Altair asked as I put earphones in his ears.  
"just follow the directions. So, you hold the left mouse button and go through the blue bars and reach to the red thingy, never touch the black or else you lose. I'll do the first round for you-"  
"I get it, alright? stand back and watch the master." Altair cut me off.  
"ok." I giggled. I stood back and looked away, giggling.  
"quit giggling, i'm trying to focus!"  
"ok, ok!"  
"UGH! you made me lose!"  
"just try again, ok?"  
"ok..."  
"look, you're almost there, alright?"  
"just a little further..." he narrowed his eyes and got closer to the screen... and...  
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH ! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHH!" the scary pop-up screamed at Altair's face.  
Altair's eyes widen. "AAAAAAHHH! AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH HHHH!" he jumped back and ran into the wall. I began to laugh out loud. "oh my god, oh my god! Altair! you should've seen the look on your face!" I laughed, then I noticed the look on his face. It was red...  
"how could you do that?!" his eyes were watery.  
"awwww, Altair, don't cry..." I walked towards him.  
"i'm not crying! you just scared me!"  
"awww, come on, can't you take a joke?" I tried to hug him, and guess what? I got the hug! Except... he kinda cried in my shirt.  
"ok, ok, i'm sorry, Alty, i'll close the window, alright?" I tried to comfort him.  
"if you ever... (sniffle, sniffle) do that again, I will murder you!" he wiped a tear off his face.  
"I didn't know you would cry, Altair!"  
"I'm not use to seeing that face, alright? ALRIGHT?!"  
"... ok..."

Connor's reaction:

"how does this work?" Connor asked, putting the earphones on.  
"... you could just read the screen." I told him.  
"I prefer you to instruct me."  
"...why?"  
"because I want you to tell me how this works. It's nice to finally get to know technology, especially if a young one from the future is teaching me about it."  
"ok, so, you hold the left mouse button like this, and you go through the blue bars to get to the red point. don't touch the black part, alright?"  
"ok, I got this." Connor studied the screen and did as he was told.  
I couldn't help but giggle a little bit. Connor became suspisicous and looked at me.  
"something's going to happen, right?" he smiled.  
"uh-uh!" I shook my head.  
Connor descided to shrug it off and continue the game.  
"ah. the third level seems harder... I wonder what would be in the next leve- AAAHH!" He was startled by the scary-up out.  
"AAAAAAAAHH! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!" it screamed.  
Connor bursted out with laughter. "I knew it! I knew something bad would happen!" He laughed, got off the seat, and patted my back. "you demon child, you!" he shook his head.  
"the one and only!" I smirked.  
"now... escuse me while I... umm... change my pants..."  
"the spare ones are in-... YOU NEVER PUT UNDERWEAR?! Those are the jeans I just got for you last week!"  
Connor ran off as I chased him.

Ezio's reaction:

"hmm... I think I understand this a little bit." Ezio tilted his head. "what is a mouse? isn't that an animal? where's the mouse?"  
"Look, Ezio, this is a mouse, we went through this. It's not an animal, alright? This thing helps navigate around the computer. There's a difference between this mouse and the rodent. Do you get the directions?" I asked.  
"yes, I believe so. This'll be fun." he smiled and clicked to play. "... how do you hold?"  
"you press the button for a long time."  
"oh, got it."  
I took a step back and giggled a little bit, but silently so he doesn't figure out why I am laughing.  
"this one is hard- MERDA! I just ran this arrow to the black! I guess I have to try again."  
I remained silent and turned my head away.  
"why don't you sit with me, Diana?" he got up and grabbed the chair and placed it next to his chair.  
"oh, I prefer not to..."  
"why not? this'll be fun!"  
"oh alright!" I sat next to him, watching him play. I looked away when he got to the third level.  
"hmm... maybe if I look closer..." Ezio moved closer to the screen until...  
"AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH HHHHHHHHHH!" the pop-up screamed.  
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! MIO DIO!" Ezio fell out of his chair. I started to laugh at this reaction.  
"oh my god!" I laughed. "the look on your face! it's priceless!"  
"oh shut up!" he hissed.  
"you screamed like a girl!"  
"what?! no I didn't!"  
"well, Altair did..."  
"It's not funny!"  
"...yes it is! think about it!"  
Ezio thought for a moment before snickering, then he began to laugh.  
"puttana!" he laughed.  
"MIND YOUR LANGUAGE."

Desmond's reaction:

"I think i've heard about something like this..." Desmond already began to play the game.  
"what makes you say that?" I asked.  
"well, it said scary maze game, there's no maze at all."  
"I know."  
"but it's not scary. is this a prank?"  
"no, not at all!"  
"prove it, you play it first."  
"no fair, you started it!"  
"but how do I know if it's not scary?"  
"I wanted you to play it!"  
"Ok, but if it's scary, I will beat you."  
... I'm just going to back off a little...  
"huh... what do you know... it's small."  
THAT'S WHAT SHE-  
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAHHH. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA HHHH!" the pop-up screamed.  
"AAAAAAAAHH!" Desmond backed off, the wheelie chair running all the way to the wall. "you-... why would you do that, i knew it!"  
I laughed out loud. "i didn't say it's a pop-up!"  
"it's a prank, i knew it!" he laughed. "come here!"  
and therefore, the chase begun.

Malik's reaction:

"how does it work? what do I click?" Malik asked me.  
"you can't read English?" I asked him.  
"no, not really. I mostly read Arabic."  
"ok, so, all you have to hold is this left button, go through the blue bars, and get to the red point. don't touch the black part, alright?"  
"ok, I understand."  
I took a step back and watched him.  
"hmmm... AW!" Malik sighed, frustrated.  
"click it again."  
I watched him fail a couple of times until he tried again. This was the last time.  
Malik tried again for the final time. "ooh, this level's really hard..." he narrowed his eyes and came closer to the screen. "just... gotta... be careful... of where I... touch..."  
and...  
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH ! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH !" the pop-up strikes again!  
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH !" Malik jumped back, flipping the chair backwards as I laugh.  
"oh my god!" I laughed.  
"NOVICE! that was not funny!" he scolded me.  
"oh come on, Malik, take a joke!"  
"that scared me, Diana, how could you do that?!"  
"hey, don't blame me, blame my temptation. I didn't want to do this, but I just wanted to see the reaction! come on, it's funny! think about it!"  
"... well I did, umm... needed to... I drank a lot of water before..."  
THAT. made me laugh harder.

Shaun's reaction:

"all you have to do is-"  
"I know, I know, bloody hell, I've been on the computer more than one time!" Shaun cut me off as he was playing.  
"... OK!" I scoffed. This... I will enjoy very much.  
"AH! stupid mouse!"  
"it was you, not the mouse."  
"shut up!..."  
It took a while before he got to the third level...  
"wow, this third level is hard..."  
"maybe you should go closer."  
"maybe i- AAAAAHHH!"  
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" the pop-up screamed.  
"YOU WANKER!"  
"nonononono, wait, Shaun, before you do anything you regret, I just want to sa-"  
therefore, he began to throw pens at me. Wow.

Leonardo's reaction:

"such a lovely day to be playing a game, isn't it?" Leonardo smiled.  
Oh god, now I feel back.  
"...yes!" I smiled back.  
"so, according to the writing... I have to hold this left button of this... mouse, go through the blue bars, don't touch the black, and make it to the red point. simple enough."  
FINALLY. I don't have to explain!  
"ok, you got it, you got it..."  
Leonardo began to play it, smiling happily. "oh, and did you know that the only way to eat a banana is to peel it?"  
"um... yeah?"  
"good, I was making sure you are still smart."  
"... why would you think i'm not smart?"  
"you got an F in algerbra."  
"...HOW DID YOU KNOW?!"  
"Desmond went online to check- oh darn. I accidentally touched the black part. no worries." Leonardo began the game again. "anyways, Desmond checked on how you are doing academically by using the school website, and, you did well... except for algerbra. don't worry, I can help with that."  
Jee, I wonder who taught him about grades... .  
"ok..." i murmured  
"first of all-" Leonardo began  
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH HHHHHHHHH!" the pop-up screamed  
"AAAHHH!" Leonardo stood up quickly, shaking. "mio..."  
he fainted. i'm a terrible person.

Kadar's reaction (KADAR, I'M SORRY! D:):

"It's nice being able to play with you again, Diana." Kadar smiled at me.  
I REGRET NOTHING!  
"I know, right? it's fun playing around!" I giggled.  
"When will we work on getting back home?"  
"ehhhhhhhhhhh... i'd say... soon."  
"alright. hmm... can you read that for me?"  
"ok... the instructions are to hold the left mouse button, meaning pressing it but don't let go, go through the blue bars to get to the red point, and never touch the black."  
"ok, i got it." Kadar got to the game as fast as he can. "easy level!" he happily chuckled. "i better be careful with this one... not too fast..." he studied the screen until he got to the red point. "EXCELENT! ooh, this level is hard..." he got closer to the screen. "hmmm... almost there..."  
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH HH!" the pop-up screamed.  
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHH!" Kadar got up and ran into my room, sobbing. "WHY, DIANA, WHY?!"  
"oh, Kadaaaaaar!" I walked to my room. "Kadar, it's ok! it was all a joke!"  
"it wasn't funny!"  
"Kadar, i'm sorry, I didn't know you would cry!"  
I. AM. A. BISH.

Trick or treat:

"awwwwwwww, you look so cute in that outfit!" I giggled.  
"i look ridiculous." Altair frowned, in a pumpkin outfit.  
"i FEEL ridiculous." Connor gestured his pocahontas outfit.  
"i am ridiculous..." Kadar lowered his eyes, wearing a box that has the captions, 'ridiculous' on the front of it.  
"awww, come on, you guys, where's the halloween spirit?"  
"why can't we just wear out normal outfits?" Ezio asked.  
"can't blame you for asking." Shaun frowned, wearing a ballerina outfit.  
"but you guys look so cute!"  
"THIS IS NOT CUTE!" Malik roar, because he was wearing a kitty outfit.  
"MALIK! you forgot your ears!" I place a headband on his head.  
"do we have to go trick or treating?" Desmond asked. "... I'M A CABBAGE!" He smiled at his cabbage outfit.  
"... well, I wanted to have the time of my happy life."  
"why do YOU get to wear that?" Connor pointed out that I was wearing Ezio's robes.  
"because i look cute in it!"  
"no you don't I SHOULD BE WEARING THAT!"  
"MALIK. SAY MEOW."  
"... meow."  
"YAY!" I ran outside.  
"... who votes on killing her, say ay!"  
"... novice, shut up."

I skipped around my neighborhood happily. "LALALALALALALAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAA!"  
"I HOPE YOU'RE HAPPY IN THAT!" screamed Ezio.  
"look, our first house!"  
There was this big black house, all the windows were broken and lights were on. Perfect.  
"are you sure we-"  
"yes!" I interupted Kadar.  
Leonardo, or should I say, Albert Einstein followed me! :)  
"oh joy, oh joy!" Leonardo squeeled.  
I knocked on the door three times. "TRICK OR-"  
Someone grabbed my- Ezio's cape and dragged me inside and locked the door.

hours later.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHH! LET HER OU-"  
I was pushed out and fell onto the screaming Desmond.  
"... "HELLO!" I smiled.  
"... what was that?" Ezio asked.  
"i got a merda-load of candy!" I showed them the bunch of bags i got from going inside.  
"... i'd say we should call it a night." Shaun suggested.

* * *

and so, this is the conclusion to this halloween special. I shall continue the chapter, but beware of the shorties. they come out of nowhere...

CIAO!

and happy halloween! :)


	12. DESMOND!

OOC:** Hai all of you novices... i'm having a bad day today... to begin this chapter, I am going to...spoil ACIII ending... it will break your heart. and i mean... break it. IF you don't want your life to be ruined, skip the spoilers and get to the chapter.**

* * *

**SHORTIES!  
**this episode:

spoilers.

I am just minding my own business, on the couch, playing on my smartphone, 3:00 in the morning, basically, everyone is asleep! and guess what? THE LIVING ROOM IS FREE! :D

I am SOOOOOOOO going to get away with this!

Anyways, I'm on an Assassin's Creed club in chicken smooti- wait... what?

... pause this whole thing, what?!

'I just finished the game... poor Desmond'  
what?! what is this suppose to mean?!

So, I searched up Desmond Miles' name on Assassin's Creed wiki...  
and...

it says...

...Desmond...no...

that's right, people... the day we all feared.  
the day... of Desmond's death.

"no..." I dropped my phone, shaking. "no...nononono...no...NO!" I murmured, dropping the phone, grabbing a pillow and pressing it against my face, sobbing quietly so no one wakes up, then I heard snoring. I looked up and Ezio's foot pressed against my cheek.  
... "what the..." I remained silent, then he kicked my face.  
"MIO-... bambina, what are you doing up so early? go back to bed." Ezio narrowed his eyes, studying my face. "...you're crying..."  
"... ummm... I-I'll go back to-"  
"no. tell me what's wrong."  
and so, I had no other choice but to show him wikipedia. He read it and looked at me.  
"...do you actually believe-"  
"it says it right there. he's dead."  
Ezio stared for a long time. "go to bed. you're getting tired."  
"am not..." I pressed my face against the pillow, closing my eyes, slowly falling asleep. I heard Ezio walking away.

When I finally woke up, I realized my phone was gone. I searched around for it, maybe it fell somewhere, mayb- then... I look up.. to see the look on Desmond's face. He was staring at my phone. He looked at me and smiled as if nothing happened. "h-hey..." he murmured. "up already?"  
"Des...mond..." I stared at the phone.  
"you don't need to say it..."  
"I'm sor-"  
"I mean it. you don't need to say it. it was bound to happen." He placed the phone on the coffie table and left.  
I looked up on youtube to see if they actually made a scene of where he dies.

I saw it...

It was terrible... but it can't be... Ubisoft can't kill him off that quickly... It's just... unfair.

No. There were hints. Plenty of them. It can't just end it like that...  
Juno is up to something...  
And... we haven't seen Connor die yet.  
...Is Rebecca pregnant? What? it just came up on my mind.

I don't want to believe he's dead. No. I won't. I never will believe it.

* * *

Back to the chapter!

Since I have my phone... I am able to call home and tell them i've been kidnapped! In case they didn't notice already...  
What was the phone number? right... 321-123-noneofyourbusiness.

So, I called, and here's what I heard first: moaning.

"umm... hello?" I tilted my head in confusion.  
"Diana is that you?" Ezio asked.  
"honey, hang up the phone and continue, you're getting slower!" I heard the woman's voice.  
"what the hell? who was that!?"  
"never mind her, what are you doing on this thing?"  
"... it's called a phone, Ezio..."  
"so?"  
"look, i've been kid-"  
"hang up the phone!"  
"soon, bella, soon! alright, continue, Diana?"  
"... can I talk to someone else?"  
"sure, hold on."  
I heard some ruffling noises. Ok... not like this isn't getting any weirder...  
"honey, honey, where are you going?" I heard the woman  
"i'll be right back, I promise." he said.  
"THAT BETTER NOT BE MY ROOM!" I yelled to the phone. then I looked around, making sure no one heard. "I will murder you if it was my room."  
No reply. I heard footsteps.

Then something really weird and funny just happened.

"EZIO, PUT SOME CLOTHES ON!" Connor screamed. "GIVE ME THAT, WHO IS IT?!"  
"NO, SHE WANTS TO TALK TO DESMOND!" he whines.  
"I said anyone!"  
"MINE!" Altair's voice came along.  
"YOU GUYS, STOP, GIVE ME THE PHONE!" Desmond screamed. "EZIO, STOP WACKING THAT THING AT ME!"  
"I'M NOT WACKING! GIVE ME IT!"  
"ALTAIR, IT'S NOT SOMETHING YOU CAN EAT, STOP!"  
"IT'S MADE OF RUBBER!"  
"IT'S NOT RUBBER, IT'S JUST THE PHONE!"

... my phone is made up of rubber?

"KADAR, CLOSE YOUR EYES!" I heard Malik.  
"BUT I WANT TO SEE!" Kadar whined.  
"WHAT?! ARE YOU HOMOSEXUAL?!"  
"NO! I JUST WANT TO SEE THE FIGHT!"  
"You guys, stop fighting, you're going to break-"  
Leonardo's voice was cut off by a large crash.

How lovely. 3 seconds of being kidnapped and already they're making a mess.

"Bloody hell, I can't take a shi(bleep) peacefully without having to hear some damn arguement?!" Shaun yelled. "give me that! hello, hello, yes, who is this?!"  
"It's me!" I got the chance to speak finally.  
"What are you doing on the phon- EZIO, GET OFF, I'M USING THE PHONE! DON'T WACK THAT THING AT ME!"  
"... I shouldn't know.. oh, by the way, I've been kidnapped, in case you didn't notice."  
"... no wonder why it's been quiet..."  
"nice to know you guys noticed!" I hung up angrily.

Ugh. Those morons... I wonder if they cared. Anyways, I got two new apps, Arabic ringtones and Assassin's Creed ringtones.

I've set up already the ringtones. For calling, it would be the eagle sound effect for leap of faith. nonifications would be the Arabic nokia ringtone. I love this phone... I began to play angry birds when I heard some footsteps walking towards the cage.

"hey. you must be hungry." I looked up, reconizing the voice. It was Lucy.  
"Oh. My. God. Lucy Stillman! Still a man!" I giggled.  
"...very funny..."  
"if you're still a man, why are you female...ish?"  
"...my last name has nothing to do wi-... what do you mean femaleish?"  
"...well... you are getting a bit of a... mustache..."  
"how rude!"  
"HEY. sorry for trying to save your life!"  
"look, I got you some mcdonalds-"  
"BA DA BUM BA DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA. i'm lovin' it."  
"... nice to know that you know about the jingle... anyways, here."  
"... my hamburger better not have veggies."  
"...ok..."  
I grabbed the hamburger and opened it up, looking through it, humming, then guess what I saw? Pickles.  
"you... dirty... WHORNANAGGA!" I hissed  
"...what?" Lucy glared.  
"I censor myself. you never know when there are kids around."  
"ok... what is the matter?"  
"It has pickles...PICKLES!"  
"but everyone li-"  
"NOT EVERYONE!"

"ah I'm just kidding. I'll eat it."  
"good to know."

* * *

**SHORTIES! (not so short as I thought it'll be.)**

This episode: Karyoke of doom part two...

Here I am, minding my own business, then I heard some knocking. I answered the door, and here is my worst nightmare: my bestfriend, Priscilla.

"May I come in?" she shoved me aside. "oops, already in. karyoke. assassins. now."  
"Priscilla, some of them are busy. two of them descided to take a show-"  
"does it look like I care?"  
I studied her face carefully. "...not really, it kinda looks li-"  
"ok, where's Desmond?"  
"in my room, taking a sho-"

That's when she ran towards my room and ran straight to the shower. I waited until I heard a loud scream. "Pris-"  
I watched in horror as she dragged Desmond towards me. He...had...no...towel.

"PRISCILLA, WHAT THE HELL!? He has nothing on!" I shouted at her.  
"look, don't worry, he doesn't mind being buttnaked." Priscilla gestured.  
"I MIND!"  
"I MIND TOO!" Desmond yelped.  
"Stay right here and don't wape him, i'm going to get him a towel." I ran off to the bathroom to find one of our only remaining towel: barbiegurlworld towel. What? I had it since I was 6 years old!

I come back, open the door, and there's Veronica and Charlie, doing number seventeen... THE SPREAD EAGLE.  
HEY, HEY, HEY. THIS IS MY EPISODE. GET OUT OF HERE, VELMA.

Anyways, I come back with the towel, to find Priscilla spanking Desmond with a flykiller.  
"CALL ME MASTER, CALL ME MASTER, CALL ME MASTER!" she screamed at him.  
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!" he screams, struggling.  
"PRISCILLA, STOP IT!" I shoved her off of him. "jesus, I leave for one second and you're already spanking someone!"  
"you don't complain when my mom spanks me!"  
"... you have a terrible life, Priscilla..."  
"anyways, who else is in the shower?"  
"Look, just-"

Priscilla ran over to the other bathroom. I heard Malik scream out loud. Wait, Malik knows how to us-... that's right, Shaun and Desmond 'potty trained' and 'showered trained' them. Meaning... they helped me teach them technology.

"PRISCY!" I screamed as she pushed Malik down at the ground.  
"GET AWAY FROM ME, DEMON CHILD!" Malik got up and ran away. Fourtunately, he was wearing a towel.

24 minutes later

"alright, so, now that you're all here, we're going to play karyoke." Priscilla instructed.  
Everyone groaned.  
"i'm pretty sure none of the assassins love sing-" Priscilla cut me off with,  
"YOU PICK YOUR TEAM!"  
"ok... umm... let's see..." I thought silently. "well, Desmond, Ezio, Malik, and Kadar." I knew picking Altair was a death wish...  
"cool, I pick Shaun, Altykins, Leonardo, and that guy."  
"it's Connor..." Connor growled.  
"whatever, hottie."  
"... great, now we'll have to pick songs..."  
"i know whatever Altykins picked, he'll sound so smexy!" Priscilla squeeled.  
I slightly grinned, knowing how horrible Altair's voice would be.

Choices:

My side:

Diana(me, obviously): Bring me to life by Evanscene  
Desmond: Monster by Skillet  
Ezio: Fairytale by Alexander Rybak  
Malik: Hurt by Thousand foot krutch  
Kadar: You can't take me by Bryan Adams

Duet (Ezio and me [had no other choice, since I heard Ezio sing in revelations]): I want to spend my life time loving you...Zorro soundtrack... my favorite duet... DON'T JUDGE THE RELATIONSHIP! or accuse me of having a crush...

hey! wouldn't you all?!

Priscilla's side:

Priscilla: Europe skies by Alexander Rybak  
Shaun: She-wolf by Shakira (Shaun: "I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU'RE MAKING ME SING THAT!")  
Leonardo: Mona Lisa (obviously)  
Altair: Love game by Lady Gaga  
Connor: Just around the river bend by Pocahontas.

Duet (Altair and Priscilla): Phantom of the opera

. duet (Me vs. Priscilla): Telephone By Lady gaga and Beyonce  
second round: Beautiful Liar by Beyonce and Shakira

Finals:

Me: Our truth by Lacuna Coil  
Priscilla: Memories by Within Tempation.

Now. Begin.

I watch the karyoke set, nervously, as the words were fading in, and I sang along.  
just a moment:  
"Frozen inside without your touch, without your love, darling, only you are the light...among... the deaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa aadddduh-"  
Desmond grabbed the microphone. "ALL OF THIS TIME, I CAN'T BELIEVE I COULDN'T SEE, KEPT IN THE DARK, BUT YOU WERE THERE IN FRONT OF MEEE!"  
"Desmond, what are you-" I snatched back. "I've been sleeping a thousand-"  
He pulled it back. "years it see-"  
"DESMOND!"  
That's when we fought over the microphone.  
"BRING ME TO LIFE!" I managed to let out to the microphone, still fighting over it.  
"alright, alright, break it up, break it up!" Priscilla snatched the microphone away. "Desmond's turn."  
Desmond was cracking up...

A moment...:

"I feel it deep within... it's just beneath the skin... I must confess that I-"  
I immediately grabbed the microphone. "FEEL LIKE A MONSTER!" I used my scary growl as I sang that.  
"DIANA!" again, we fought over the microphone.  
"SEE HOW IT FEELS LIKE?! SEE?!

time skip:

"you can't take me, I'M FREE!"  
wow. Kadar... I never knew he could sing...

time skip again:

and the moment we were waiting for has came:

"i can't wait to hear Altair sing... this will be a blast!" Priscilla squeel.  
"it'll be a blast alright..." I grinned.  
skip skip skip:

"let's play a love game, a love game..." Altair continued as I'm laughing at Priscilla's look on her face.  
"... i automatically...lost..." she murmured.

DUETS:

"I want to speeeeeeendd myyy life tiiimmeee loving yooooooooooooooooooooooooooo uuuuuuuu"  
"SING MY ANGEL OF MUSIC!"

yeah, that's kinda where it went down... guess what you guys? My team won! :)

"this isn't over..." Priscilla narrowed her eyes, leaving.  
"... I actually want to continue..." Malik confessed.  
"...ok!" I ran over and began to play some random song.

END.

**Assassin's react to: DUBSTEP. THIS EPISODE: Skillerx! (quick parody of kids react to. X3)**

video: "Baby you, aaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhh a-a-ahhhh"  
Malik: "what is this...?!"  
Kadar: "it's cute, actually."  
Malik: "Kadar, it is not."

Altair: ...

Leonardo: "baby yew,aaaaaaaaaaahhhh" singing along.

Connor: "is this seriously what you kids listen to!?"

Desmond: "heheh, pedophile..."

Ezio: laughing. "what is going on here?"

Video: "CALL 911 NOW!"

Shaun: "well... that was quick."

Kadar: "what's 911?"

Connor: "she must be... some sort of... demon spawn..."

Ezio: "she must have the apple of edan!"

Malik: "i still don't get this."  
Kadar: "it's catchy!"

Altair: "what is this, seriously?!"

Leonardo: "i liked the first part better... this is a bit too violent for me."

Claudia: "why am i here?!"  
Me: "oops, sorry."

Video: ends

Kadar: "baby you, aaahhh..."  
Malik: "Kadar... just don't.

Question time:

Me: "what was it about?"  
Ezio: "obviously a man going after a young girl learning her lesson from following a girl who is too young for her. he should be after 15 year olds, they're legal."

Kadar: "honestly, i was paying attention to the song."  
Malik: ... "i honestly don't care."

Altair: "it's nothing like what I heard, all there was is just this girl being followed by a man and-"

All the footage I made was deleted due to copyright.

* * *

I'm going to wrap it up here, novices. I have to go. bye! :)


	13. Escaping

Aquarius-Otter 11/1/12 . chapter 11

lol loved it u should show ezio and them 2 girls 1 cup lol please update soon and i wish conners dad wasn't a assassin gone bad cuz they work great together and there funny

**Hai all you novices! Especially Aquarius-Otter... This 'shortie's' episode will be all about Ezio watching 2girls1cup. You may thank Aquarius. I will thank Aquarius too. Enjoy. :)**

**(honestly, I forgot about 2girls1cup...thanks for reminding me! :) [kids, don't watch 2girls1cup...])**

* * *

**SHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORRRRRRRRTI IIIIIIIIIESSSSSSSSSSSSS! **

**This episode: 2girls1cup (everyone: throws up)**

Ezio tilted his head. "how do I play the..."  
"Here, let me help out." I went over and clicked the button to play the video. "It's starting..." I backed off so I didn't have to see the... disturbing video (god knows why it's still in the internet...) and watched Ezio's face.

"ooohh, I see what this is getting too..." Ezio grinned only because the two women were making out, then his grin fades away and eyes widen when... he saw the 'infamous' scene. "wha-... Diana what is... what... no...no..." He stares at the screen. "Aahh... AAAAAHH! MIO DIO, WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!"  
I started laughing out loud due to his expression.  
"WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?! YOU'RE ONLY 13!"  
"don't worry I haven't watched it bef-"  
"WHY WOULD YOU SHOW ME-..." Ezio begins to gag. I ran away to quickly get a bucket for him, laughing out loud. Altair and Kadar were playing video games on my playstation 2.  
"too bad you can't join us." Altair sneered at Malik.  
"SHUT UP NOVICE." Malik was playing with a piece of string. "And what are you doing here?" he looks at me.  
"...first of all, this is my room, second of all, I need a bucket." I quickly grabbed a bucket and ran to Ezio before it was too late.

Later that day...

"anyone want some ice cream?" I asked, getting out some chocolate ice cream, mocking Ezio.  
"YOU COLD HEARTED PUTTANA!" Ezio screamed and ran to the bathroom.

* * *

Back to the chapter!

"...You got me SPRITE?!" I pratically screamed.  
"well how was i suppose to kno-"  
"I love sprite." I interupted Lucy.  
"... great. anyways, I heard you talking on the phone-"  
"I WILL SLICE YOUR HEAD OFF-"  
HA! just kidding, i'm not THAT hardcore when it comes to violence. Here's what I really said:  
"YOU HEARD NOTHING."  
Lucy shrugged it off. "who said I was going to tell?"  
"you did."  
"no I didn't."  
"yes."  
"no."  
"yes.  
"no."  
"yes.  
"no."  
"yes."  
"no."  
"no."  
"yes."  
"ok, fine, Lucy, you win... if you insist on admitting you were going to tell, I'll shrug it off."  
"thank yo- WHAT?!"  
"you just said yes, don't you recall?"  
"bu-... I hate you."  
"hate only gives me strength, novice."  
"did you just call me-... you know what nevermind! If you want to give the address to the assassins at home so they can get to you, you can forget it, because... I automatically forgot." Lucy stormed off.  
"... MEANIE." I stuck my tounge out.  
"... I got the address." I heard Rebecca's voice  
"REBEEEEEEEEEEECCAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAA CRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNEE EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE, CRANE AS IN-"  
"You say anything about my last name and you'll find yourself near the lava of a volcanoe."  
"... California doesn't have volcanoes."  
"I find my ways..."  
"... soooooooooooooo... address?"  
"oh, here."  
I looked over at the piece of paper and it said, "call me ;)" along with a phone number.  
"... are you a pedophile?" I asked  
"what do you mean-...TURN THE PAPER!" Rebecca snatched it back and turned it around.  
I look at the address and my eyes widened. "what?! that's nowhere near where I'm living!"  
"It's two hours far from your house, no biggie."  
"oh. ok. So whe-"

I heard my phone's ringtone, the nice eagle screach I wanted for my phone. I looked at the phone and looked back at Rebecca.

"hang on, someone's calling." I picked up. "hello?"  
"Diana, where are you?" Desmond asked.  
"...why did it say private number?"  
"star 69'd it, anyways, where the hell are you?!"  
"why do you want to know so badly, stalker?"  
"... YOU'VE BEEN KIDNAPPED!"  
"oh how lovely, you finally noticed." I used my fancy hint of sarcasim. "how long did it tak-"  
"just tell us where you are!" clearly he was mad.  
"...ok, soooooooooooooo... I'm at... 453 warehouse blvd in Okland. (made it up, don't try going there, novices.)"  
"OKLAND?!"  
"yes, 2 hours away from here."  
"alright, give me the directions."  
"PSSSH, you have the computer! just go to google maps and print it out! idiot..."  
"uh, HELLOOOOOOOOOO. I don't know what goog-"  
"STOP LYING, I TAUGHT YOU."  
"can you try not to raise your voice every five seconds?" Rebecca suggested.  
"VAAAAAAAAAAA bene." I grinned.  
"... ok, i'm on google maps. think I can get it right-"  
"ok, love ya, bye!" I hung up quickly as I noticed Al Mualim walking in, and as Rebecca hides in some random place.

Al Mualim stared at me for a long time, narrowing his eyes.  
I smiled ever so sweetly. "how much?"  
"don't try that trick on me!" he hissed. "who were you talking to?!"  
"... there's this app where you get to talk to a cat..." I pressed the talking tom app and started speaking to it. "I am a novice!"  
_"I am a novice!"_ it replied.  
Al Mualim bursted out with laughed. "THAT IS ADORABLE!" he continued laughing.  
"what did I tell ya? I told you I was talking to it!" I faked laugh with him and left the app. "so, why did you come here?"  
"we have surveillance cameras all over the place with proof that you were talking to two other people. One was Lucy, but the other one was with the assassins... where is she?"  
"... up your butthole."  
I heard Rebecca's soft snickering. I grinned, happy that she has a sense of humor, I mean, who wouldn't laugh at this?  
"Excuse me, child?! Do you not know who you are talking to?!" Al Mualim was clearly mad at my strange comment.  
"yo mama so old, you old!"  
"don't talk about my mother that way!"  
"yo mama so old, she owes Moses a dollar!"  
"STOP IT!"  
"Yo mama so old-"  
Al Mualim pushed over my cage in anger, pushing it over a large box, it crashes down, revealing Rebecca's hiding spot.  
"... ASSASSIN!" he points and Rebecca quickly got up and began to run away as everyone chased after her.  
"... well fine! don't care about my bleeding nose!" I hissed.

Lucy quickly walk up to my cage when everyone else was distracted and released me. "alright, come on, we have to hide now."  
"but what about Rebecca?" I asked.  
"she'll be fine..."  
"I'M NOT FIIINEEE!" Rebecca was tackled by the templars.  
"... just come with me." Lucy grabbed my arm and began to run.  
I immediately HAD to follow.  
"ASTHMA. ASTHMA. ASTHMA." I warned her.

* * *

**SHORRRRRRTIIIESSSSSSSSSSSSSS SSSS!**

This episode: sims.

"what'cha doin?" Desmond asked, walking past my computer.  
"playing simsssssaaaah!" I replied.  
"sims, huh? haven't played that for a long time..."  
"huh. really?"  
"I had a friend. visit him from time to time before the templars kidnapped me."  
"cool."  
"I don't recall this one... is this new?"  
"yeah, it's sims medieval. wanna be monarch?"  
"ehhhh... sure."

hour later.

"YOU SEE, I TOOOLLDDD you Ezio would get to woohoo my sim within 5 minutes! pay up!" I mocked Desmond.  
"uuuuuuuuuuuuuuggghhh!" Desmond payed me 5 bucks. "i gotta stop these bets..." he murmured.  
"should we turn Malik into a physian?"  
"naaah, Shaun should be the physian."  
"I was thinking he could be the wizard."  
"wizards aren't nerds."  
"how should we put Kadar in this?"  
"I thought he was dead..."  
"... at least put spoilers alert!"  
"ok, ok..."  
"Lucy should be queen."

"...oh... right..."  
"want to play the other version of sims?"  
"totally! I have tons of versions! Sims 3 or Worldwide?"  
"I thought you had tons?"  
"HAHA. NOOOOPE."

**This episode: Ancestors!**

I tilted my head at the computer. "I got it!" I snapped my fingers.  
"got the way to get us home?" Shaun asked.  
"HAHA. No. Now listen, if I hit the computer like so..." I slammed my fist against the computer and Malfatto came out of nowhere.  
"what the..." he murmured.  
"and if I shake the screen." I shook it for about three seconds.  
Then... something weird happen.

Three strange girls, staring at me.  
"what the... I don't remember them in the game."  
"ما هو هذا النظام؟ أين أمي؟!" The four year old looked around desperately. "mama, mama!" she screamed.  
"è meglio avere una buona spiegazione che stupida! cosa sta succedendo?!" the second girl glared at me. She looked like she was at least 16 years old, but then she transformed into... four years old?! "Voglio la mia mamma!"  
"oh god..." I murmured.  
"ima kay?" the 6 year old walked over to Connor, pulling on the jeans. "nuqa mana hayk'aqpas qhaway p'acha haqayna."  
Connor stared. "what...?!"  
"OH hey, I reconize this language! She's speaking Quechua!"  
"zitto, stupido ragazza inutile! perché ci hai portato qui?!" the girl who spoke Italian transformed back into a 16 year old and yelled at me.  
"non si parla in quel modo!" Ezio scolded her  
"chiuse, nonno!"  
Malik kneeled down to the four year old's size and tilted his head. "ما هو اسمك؟"  
"Dima." the little girl blushed and hid her face with a little doll.  
"wait a minute..." I murmured. "Dima... Dianora... Daniella!"  
"...come hai fatto a sapere il mio nome?"  
"she asked how did you know her name." Leonardo translated.  
"Mostly because I created them. I mean, come on, I came up with my own characters."  
"you're telling me that... YOU created these girls?"  
"yup, yup, yup. I drew them. Come on, a true roleplayer would do this! When they have a favorite movie or whatever, they make up their characters so that they could pretend they're in it!"  
"... do you play world of Warcraft too?" Desmond asked.  
"PSSH. nooooo..."  
"nuqa suti Naira, pakuna huqnirayay suti uyakuy Daniella." Daniella said.  
"I still don't know what she is saying..." Connor murmured.  
"She's from Peru. A British man kidnapped her when she was only a few weeks old and took her to Britain. The cute thing about her is that she brought home a racoon and asked her foster parents if she could keep it-"  
"AKUTI!" Daniella held up a bear cub.  
"HOLY-... to think I would've noticed that... anyways, when she was 12, she witnessed her foster brother kill a bear that was, apparently, Akuti's mother, so she ran away from home with the bear cub and stayed in the forest until one of the assassins find her."  
"... so you made all this up... all by yourself."  
"yup, yup."  
"wait, if Akuti was a bear cub when her mother died, then how did she have the cub right now when she's... 6 years old?"  
"... she named a racoon Akuti once?... I really don't know. Dianora kept turning into a 4 year old to a 16 year old... I really REALLY don't know."  
"like my new beard?"  
"EZIO. TURN BACK INTO A 17 YEAR OLD THIS INSTANT!"  
"well FINE. you could've said you didn't like it!"  
"wait... how did you do that?"  
"do what?"  
"transfor-... ah! forget it..." I stormed off. "now how do I get them back..." I murmured, going into my room.  
"...si guarda attraente come un sedicenne." Ezio looked at Dianora.  
"zitto. rimarrò quattro se si parla in quel modo."

* * *

Back to the chapter!

I was breathing heavily, looking around desperately. "inhalor, inhalor!" I looked around.  
"...oh... you had asthma..." Lucy murmured  
"yes, I told you that for about... oh, I don't know, 40 MINUTES AGO."  
"SHHH. do you want them to catch us?!"  
"...no."  
"just... climb out this window, we'll climb on the roof and-"  
"jump on Desmond?"  
"... look for Desmond, but, that'll only kill him."  
"but it'll help us!"  
"we're not using him as a matress!" Lucy began to climb up and I coved my eyes.

"your skirt is so small!" I whined  
"... what!? it's knee-length! now come on."  
"... my skirt is smal-"  
She grabbed my arm and pulled me out of the room. "follow me!" she began to climb up.  
"... heights heights heights." I followed her, climbing up, then my phone rang. I jumped onto the roof as fast as I can and answered it. "hello?"  
"Don't hang up on Desmond like that!" Shaun hissed. 'when it comes to 5 month old baby Herman, Jack, you are NOT the father!' I heard in the background.  
"are you watching Maury without me?!"  
"it's a marathon. Is Desmond there yet?"  
"I don't thi- I see the van...!"  
"ok. good luck." he hung up.  
I began to climb down. "come on, Lucy! Desmond's down there."  
"ok, hold on a moment!" Lucy looked around and then followed me.  
"What the hell was that?"  
"I was checking for cameras."  
"oh." I slide down. "WEEEEEEEEE-" I was caught by Desmond.  
"do you mind keeping it down?" He asked.  
"... meanie. look, Lucy's up there!"  
"Lucy? I thought she di-"  
Lucy slides down and fell onto her knees. "OW!" she hissed.  
"alright come on-"  
"We got to wait for Rebecca. She's still out there!" I jumped into the van. Lucy sat in the front seat and shut the door. "hurry!"  
Desmond quickly went inside the van and drives.

* * *

I have to end it here, but just one last shortie...

"a whole new woooorrllddd..." the movie was at that part. Yes. My 'ancestors' wanted to watch that.  
"ترجمة الأغنية، مالك!" Little Dima tugged Malik's robe.  
"shh!" Daniella shushed her. Yes, Malik was forced to babysit while I try to figure out a way to get them back inside.

"... what if it's the Animus?" I looked over at Shaun.  
"we don't have any way to contact the animus." he replied.  
"but wouldn't it have anything to do with it?"  
"maybe."  
"what if we hit the desk really hard with our heads?" Desmond asked.  
"...where did you come up with that?"  
"ready? one, two, three..." Desmond hit his head really hard with his head and yelped out loud. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH! that hurt!"  
"really? I honestly thought it would tickle." Shaun rolled his eyes.  
"maybe- MALFATTO! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!"

I glared as Malfatto was 'disecting' the toaster from the kitchen.

"i was just wondering how this... machine works."  
"... are those bloody feathers on you?" I asked  
"well... You see... I wanted to... see the insides of a bird."  
"OH GOD, MALFATTO!"  
"MALFATTO!" Desmond groaned.  
"Seriously, Malfatto?!"  
"wha-"

Then we heard a loud scream. Daniella ran towards us with the dead bird she found.

"Imayna qankuna ruway kay?! kay pichinchu llumpaq! lumpaq, lumpaq! Imanaqtin?!"**  
**We all just stare at her blankly. Then she dropped the bird, began to cry, and ran away.  
"uuughh! you see what you did?!"  
"What?! I did nothing wrong!"  
"murderer."  
"wha-"  
"NATURE KILLER. She was only 6 years old, she didn't need to see the insides of a bird!"  
"... I saw the insides of a human being when I was 5."  
"... that's sarcasim! tell me that's sarcasim!"  
"I don't lie."

The three little girls screamed and attacked Malfatto.  
"AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!"  
"MALIK-"  
I noticed Malik snoring away...


End file.
